Protect

Steve Harvey says that a good dude does three things for his lady: Provide, Profess (hi love), and Protect. I can certainly provide. And we know that my professing is perhaps a bit too profess-ional. So what about protecting? I don't think anyone sees me as a good protector. I mean that on both the physical and emotional level. Physically, I'm a skinny guy, let's be honest. No, I'm not a towering giant, and I will probably never be taller than I am right now. What is in my control is my weight and strength. I do not have to be a skinny punk.

On a less physical sense, I am not a defender of much. I like to play the moderator role. I like to see other people happy. I don't take sides, I don't stand up very often. When I do, I don't have any experience fighting for it. I can see how that's not very desirable. I can dig in, I can make a stand. I can be a guy that makes you feel safe that you'll always been defended.

Change. Direction. Ah the good Will-Read-life.

The Wisdom of the GD

I wrote recently a post that got Matt Dickerson and I wondering what struggles brought us together as friends. True, we did share a dorm floor together freshman year, and arguably college is a struggle for anyone, but we didn't share many of the struggles. He was an engineer, I was in the school of science. I think a big part of it was that Matt always listened to me, and he engaged me when I had unanswerable questions like, "should I keep seeing this girl?" He asked me his own questions that made me pick apart my own value system and come to my own conclusions after better understanding myself.

So while I was trying to answer the question of what common struggle we shared, I realized that I've gleaned a lot of wisdom from Matt over the years.

1. Brush your teeth. Aside from the health benefits, it's a good way to make friends.


2. "If a woman throws herself at you, make sure you catch her." I assume this policy no longer is applicable directly to him since he's now married, but it certainly got me to open up my eyes and let myself get involved and have experiences I would have otherwise passed up.


3. There's nothing to worry about if you have a hot wife. Matt knows he's got a great spouse in all categories that he loves deeply. He knows she loves him, and their marriage is a promise of that love. So even though Matt knows other guys may want to steal away his wife, he doesn't worry about them, and can just focus on being a great husband to Lauren.


4. Run. Matt is a marathon runner, and I think a certain amount of his identity is wrapped up in running. The real Matt wisdom is probably something more along the lines of "Tie 'who you are' into a healthy activity".


5. Fiscal sensibility is a way of life. Matt loves doing taxes, to the point where I think he looks forward to the day where he also gets to do his kids' taxes. Beyond April, Matt loves understanding his spending habits and making trade-offs and adjustments so that he can afford the things he wants. I wouldn't say "Matt loves money", but he certainly loves making money work for him.

Such is the wisdom I've garnered form him over the years. I'm certain there is more that I've just absorbed, but he's one fo those people that helps me set the bar higher for Will Read.

Appearances

If you're going to be a security guard, you got to at least give me the impression that you might be physically capable of giving chase. I know it probably isn't the "safe" thing to do, and that if you are faced with a real criminal, your training probably just tells you to phone it in. However, if you can't walk down the isle on BART without being out of breath, I'm not sure you can really deter any crime.

Brainstorm: Struggles

Something I believe is that relationships are forged through shared "struggles" - times we step out of our comfort zone and do something out of the ordinary. When I was a kid, things like church lock ins, running props backstage, and going to late night coffee shops qualified. As I got older it was things like spending a week sleeping on a gym floor in the Appalachian mountains repairing homes for people in need. In college fencing supplied all the struggles I could possibly need - leadership, budget concerns, teaching, learning, more teaching, travel, competition. I held on to that brand of struggle after college when I was running my own fencing club which presented the same challenges.

Now, life is easier. I go to work, the bills get paid, I go to sleep knowing that my bed will still be there tomorrow and that I won't be stranded in some other state. My life is safe. I think this is the reason why I haven't found any lasting relationships here in SF. So I need to risk something. I need something that I might fail at. I need something that I might succeed at with the help of others.

I could volunteer again. Maybe Habitat is better out here. Maybe there's something I can do at a local high school, or college. I don't want to fence again. I'm not a fencer. I could go sky diving. Or I could take up a gambling addiction. Race car driving. Stunt double/devil. But this works better when I risk my pride and not necessarily my body. My pride. THis works when I'm scared, or humble, or weak.

Leadership also seems important. I need something to lead. Something to lead... And teach... And humbling... And preferably doesn't cut in to work hours...

I know it doesn't answer the points above, but I think I need to go to school. Night classes. Pottery? Woodworking? Automotive repair? Business Management? Economics? Marketing? Psychology? Pysch lends itself to being a Lifecoach. Getting a MBA would be handy if I do ever form a start-up. At school I would meet people too. School...

More About Her

I recently wrote about the impossible woman, and I wanted to add two things to the list. The first is that she'll be the kind of woman who is a teacher on her way to being a CEO (there's no "career path" for that). The second is that I'll know her as she will feel like "home" to me.

I've been watching Battle Star Galactica, which makes me a big nerd, but we're getting to the end and there's a lot of talk about what "home" means to the characters. Four years ago, it was the planet they lived on, but now it's the ships they reside in. And it isn't so much the ships, but the people, the experiences they have had on those ships. The things that bind them together, their common struggles, their memories - all that makes it a home.

What that really says is that I need to find a way to struggle with someone. Not fight, but to go through a hardship or challenge or something and come out on our feet together. Dinner and a movie isn't something one bonds over. It's just food. Getting stuck in the rain is something you can bond over. High school is something you can bond over. Conquering a fear of heights or snakes is something you can bond over. I hate snakes.

Opinionated About Web Usability

I walked out of work forty minutes early today. I was beaten, and shaky, and out of my element.

Just earlier, I had decided that I am not confrontational enough. That I don't know how to argue, stand up for anything, or be passionate. Today was designed to reinforce that realization. The background is that we've built a mostly stand-alone app that will serve up tasks for people to do on Amazon's Mechanical Turk. It was supposed to be a [Ruby on] Rails application, as opposed to the core of Remix, which is really just a Ruby application and only kind of takes advantage of the Rails part.And there's no UI, just XML and JSON is all we expose to the rest of the world.

I love Mechanical Turk. I love the things that Rails supplies. So I love what this app could be. Today, block by block, all that got torn down. With each assault on the app, I was there, defending, but it didn't matter. It isn't that I wasn't heard, it was that it didn't matter. First, it was a dumbing down of the search engine, to the point where it borders on hard to use. That resulted in going from a one-click task to a multiple click-copy-paste task. The last conversation was in the context of removing all JavaScript - further reducing the ease of use.

I think part of it is that I empathize with Turkers somehow. Like they really are my employees, that we need to treat them well. I'm also the only guy on the team who has done more than a few minutes of turking. When Steve decided that last time that we needed to do something else, and Mike backed him up, and Glenn and Colin sat silent, I was alone. I was fighting a fight that may have been totally crazy, and I knew that. I am not yet the guy who fights for the crazy thing. Or rather, I'm no longer the man who fights for crazy things. Arguably, I was that man back in high school. Arguably, it caused me a lot more trouble at work than it was worth.

Now, I'm the guy who runs away with tears in his eyes because he doesn't want to produce crap.

Three Years

It's been three years since I've been in a relationship where we both said we loved each other. That's a long ass time.

Government: Freedom vs. Safety

I think about the Declaration of Independence, and the Bill of Rights. These documents spell out exactly what freedoms we, as citizens of the United States of America, are promised. They do not talk about a "right to public transit systems", nor do they mention a "right to affordable health care."So it makes me wonder what is government's role? All I really need from my government is the protection of the promise it made to me: freedom.

But the older I get, the more I feel like government has become a tool for keeping people safe. But safety and freedom are orthogonal goals. You can relate to what I mean if you have ever had a "corporate security policy" in place on your work computer. Your network admin does his best to keep you safe, but the cost is that you are not free to surf all of the web, you cannot download the important attachment from your vendor to move your project forward. For freedom is restricted, and you cannot make much forward progress.

There are services I need, don't get me wrong. Things like fire fighters, and ambulances, and roads so they can get there quickly and reliably that I don't need all the time, but I'm willing to pay a slice for alongside my fellow neighbors so that we all may enjoy the safety of those services when the need arises.

What bothers me is that the government (via the people) seem hell bent, not on protecting their freedom, but protecting a way of life. They want to preserve a thing that is showing itself to be inadequate, needing adjustment. They want regulations, and bail outs. People have become afraid of failure, afraid of death, afraid of the very frailty that makes us take chances.

If we lived forever, there would be mo need to take risks. We could simply wait until we arrived upon the correct way to do everything. But we don't have "all the time in the world", most of us have seventy years at best. So we have to guess, we have to take chances. We have to do things that put us and sometimes others at risk if we are going to move forward.

You see, we have to be free. Free to speak. Free to defend ourselves. Free to vote. And most of all, free to take a chance.

They Don't Make Guys Like Me

As Jenny points out, in a round about way in my last post I said that I do not exist. But I do exist. I'm here, and I persist, despite all the parts of me that may seem at odds with themselves.

Especially when it comes to dating, and trying to justify in my head why an amazing woman would want to hang out with me, I've always thought, "They don't make guys like me." They really don't. Guys who don't have substance abuse problems, guys who are responsible, guys who are gainfully employed. Apparently just those seemingly bare bones qualifiers limits the datable population quite a lot.

I realize this post is reading as rather self-indulgent. You're reading my blog, about me. Deal.

Then you add on the "normal" good stuff. For instance, I'm pretty funny. I also look pretty hansom, not gorgeous, but hansom enough. I can carry on a conversation and I listen to what people say instead of drifting off in my own thoughts. I'm the kind of guy your mom would like for you to date, and that your dad wouldn't need to brandish a gun at to get his daughter home on time. They don't make guys like that anymore.

Then there's the quirky parts; most of which stem from my lack of social inhibitions or lack of shame.The only way you can get me to turn red is to call me up in front of a group and tell me I'm doing a good job. But I can't be cut down by jokes about the things I like, or the people I hang out with. I'm bullet proof in this way. I even mis-match my shoes so that you know how much your cuts don't hurt me. Peer pressure was a non-issue growing up; I've always been my own person.

I have only one big fear - of dying and having people say that my life was cut short before I could really enjoy it, or take advantage of it, or be happy. So I constantly battle that fear by saying "yes" when an opportunity presents itself, by spending time with friends, by riding the cable car instead of the bus to work. I love my life.

The thing I want most in life, is to have someone to protect. Someone to love fully, without the boundaries. Someone who will protect me and love me without limits. But people freak out when you tell them things like that. They don't make guys like me.

If You're Reading This, This isn't About You

This is about some mythical girl, the impossible woman, the one who doesn't exist. I like to tease the women I know who are looking for datable guys. "I want a fireman", but then he has to be tall. "OK, this one is tall and firemany, but he doesn't do X", or Y, or Z. You could put a dozen good looking millionaires who are down to earth and friends with your friends, but they'd never fit the bill.

That's one kind of problem. My kind of problem is that I want something that doesn't exist. A person who, if she existed, would instantly implode upon herself.

I want the girl who has blond hair, but wants to let her brown hair grow out. The kind of woman who looks great in an evening gown, but likes to wear jeans with holes in them. She wants to enjoy the life in the city, but wants a small house in the suburbs. She's athletic and competitive, but needs to feel protected just as much as I do. She's the kind of girl who loves to cook and loves to go out. The kind of woman who always wants to snuggle and is just as happy on her side of the bed. She has the alpha persona that drives her forward, but she spends more of her time outside of work than in it. Nor is she religious, but she knows she needs some sort of spiritual component to her life. She is happy and sad, proud and humble, courageous and weak all at once and not at all. Most importantly, she loves me for being all of those things too.

Visionary, or Facist?

1847-1931: Thomas Edison
1901-1966: Walt Disney
1955-Present: Steve Jobs

These men in my mind were all the same. Men who had a great idea, which they implemented on their own steam. That idea then gave them the financial resources to hire nameless practitioners to implement every far-reaching idea they had.

Edison makes the light bulb, a tedious process of trail and error. He then created a research lab, where thousands of patents were filed in his name. Disney brought sound to cartoons, and soon found himself with Imagineers, people who would help him later build Disney Land and Disney World, creating animated masterpieces previously thought to be unprofitable. Then we have Steve Jobs, visionary of Apple, who brought us crazy things like a home computer and a mouse in the face of "the public has no use for computers and who needs anything besides a keyboard anyway?" I hear talk of the "wrath" of Jobs and how easily one can find himself fired at Apple.

I am not agreeing, or disagreeing with the methods of these men. What is interesting to me is the pattern. I also submit that the world only has room for one of these such men at a time. Men who braved a gamble because they knew in their gut the world wanted what they could pluck from dreams and turn into reality. Men who then took that reality, and made a factory out of ideas. Men who created an industry that wasn't there before.

At times, I want to be one of those men. A man who knows what it is that the world lacks so desperately. But I do not think I have the constitution it takes to know in my gut that I should press on with a thing that sounds ridiculous until it becomes common place.

Dear Morgan Freeman,

You once were part of fantastic movies (Robin Hood, Shawshank Redemption, etc). Now it seems like everything you're part of is crap (list omitted for  brevity).

Sincerely,
Will

P.S. Maybe the facial hair makes you weak?

What I Swore Off Girls For

I swore off girls in search of something. Now they're less sworn off (and yes, dudes, you're still out in case you were curious). There was something I had lost. Something I was good at doing, and it was something I had forgotten. It was the thing that made relationships special, magical.

Shoes.

Not the kind you wear, but the kind you stand in that belong to your girlfriend. The kind that tell you that she's worked a lot on being more earth friendly, so when you notice that she went to the effort to get a blue bin so recycling is easier, it melts her heart.

Tonight, I was reminded of those shoes that I had stopped standing in. Someone I know complimented me on my ability to keep running with a humorous story to the point where it gets her laughing so hard she can no longer breathe. I love those stories, and that's "my flavor" of comedy. It's what I love doing, what I feel I'm really good at. To have a simple compliment, something made almost in passing, made my day.

I hope I can return the favor soon enough.

"The Right Thing"

I want to see a satire movie made called "The Right Thing" where it is a seriesof short segments in which people do the right thing, instead of the dumb thing that puts them into ridiculous movie situations.

Scenario A: Friend shows signs of turning  into a zombie.
Kill the friend.
Done.

Scenario B: Dude wrecks a car.
Dude fesses up, works hard to pay for repairs.
Done.

Scenario C: Dude's girlfriend goes away on a family vacation to Europe, meanwhile sexy-hot slutty McNeighbor girl offers dude her "services".
Dude turns her down, buys some dirty magazines, waits till the end of the week.
Done.

Scenario D: A prison-convict has intel needed to evade terrorist attack.
Do not move, or set said inmate free to "help" the SWAT team out.
Done.

Scenario E: Dude works for a bad boss
Dude quits job gets better job
Done.

Scenario F: Dude works for a corrupt company
Dude shows evidence to company, company changes poilcy, pays for the damage they've caused.
Done.

Done.

Furthest Friend

All day long at work I deal in kilobytes, megabytes, and gigabytes. Sometimes we even talk about terabytes of data. But when it comes to distance, everyone sticks to the kilo- prefix (or miles because we can't get on board with metrics).

I got to thinking about it, 2,865 miles from here to Long Valley, NJ sounds like a horribly long distance. But really, Laura is only

4.61077056 megameters

away from me. Four point six... she might as well be next door. They say it's a small world, but that still puts a lot of important people a plane ride (or two) away from me. I feel like that distance gets in the way a lot. There are people I ought to talk to more, people whom I consider to be my friend who might have gotten married in the time that has slipped by.

As for the pronunciation of "megameters", wheter it is me-GAM-e-ters, or meg-A-mee-ters, the guys at work and I couldn't decide.

Things that smell like other things

To me, burritos and body odor smell very much the same. Sometimes I find myself wondering why it smells like meat, then I realize there's a sweaty guy next to me.

Being an Adult

When I was 18 and legally became an "adult" I wondered when I would really be an adult. Would it be when I had a job that I could live on? Would it be when I bought a house? Would it be when I got married? Had a kid?

This week I was reminded that I decided long before I was 18 that [male] adults are adults because they get lint stuck in their belly button. This something that didn't happen to me as a kid because I had no hair to trap the lint, but it was something that happened to my dad on a near daily basis.

This week I discovered lint in my belly button... I felt like celebrating just a little.

Family Expansion

I think what was most... "jarring" last time I went home was that everyone had new names. Mom was suddenly Grandma, Dad was now Grandpa, Jon became Dad, and I had a new name thrust upon me, Uncle Will. It's like when you have a friend who changed what people called him in college, and you find yourself hanging out with his friends from high school, and they call him something totally alien and you can't quite reconcile it in your brain fast enough to keep up on the conversation.

After my brother's wedding to Vanessa this weekend, I now suddenly have a sister[in-law] too. I think for the first time, I felt what it means to be 2,000 miles away from my family. The relationship I have with my niece is very different than the one my parents have with  her, having seen her so much more than I have.

I think they are both pleased with how the wedding went. It was very much their wedding. They both had on casual foot wear for the ceremony and they had all the people there that they needed to be there for them. Standing at Jon's side during the wedding, seeing Vanessa's face as they spoke their vows, I feel confident in saying that this is a good marriage, one that I was proud to be a part of.

Political Brain Stew

Someone close to me insinuated that the American people are getting what they wanted, and that what they want is socialism, and that the Presidential Office is going to do its best to deliver.

I am not a socialist.

My thought is along the lines of, "So what if we become a socialist country?" Let's change that statement to, "So what if we become a series of nomadic tribes?". My feeling is that if the people want it, then why not let them have it? If the majority votes for laws that require us all to wear purple bow ties on Tuesdays, then that's what the people want.

Secondly, look at the crap that's been carried out in the name of "preserving our way of life". We can't be bothered to pay higher prices for renewable sources of energy. We can't be asked to carpool. We can't be asked to lay aside our differences and stop a 2,000 year old holy war. We can't stop watering our lawns. Our way of life is destructive to individuals, to countries, to culture, and to the planet we live on. We suck. Our "way of life" is short sighted.

Yes. Many good things have been done to preserve our "way of life".  Fighting for freedom, for the right to be represented. These things are paid for in the blood of Americans. But the things that aren't on the ladder of things we need, maybe it is time we stopped fighting over those things and explored a way to compromise.

Sad Face

I've been waiting 10 years for my high school reunion. But the RSVPs on Facebook only have Jenny and Sarah on the "Yes" list. I was hoping to catch up with everyone all in one spot. So to all you FHSers out there who haven't said "Yes", get you stuff in gear.

Pants Stance

Will: tomorrow, drunk bus
Will: bring your game face
Lara: I plan to
Will: should I wear pants? or no pants?
Lara: start the night with pants
Lara: and see how it goes

For clarity, Lara has no interest in seeing me sans-pants.

Student Council

Politics. I hate politics because I learned first hand in fifth grade just how bound any one person's hands are. I knew going into it that even if I was president of the newly indoctrinated Hillside student council, I could not do things like "mandate that homework is optional". Some things are just not within your power.

Then there's things that are within your power, but you need agreement from your fellow council members. And then there's a tiny sliver of trivial stuff that you can get done on your own.

That's why it's hard for me to hear criticism about any political office, why it is hard for me to get jazzed up about a politician who claims to make a change. It's just hard. There's too many moving parts, life is too short. I'm amazed anything ever gets done in government actually.

Don't get me wrong, I think the system works quite well despite it's inability to change. I think it is fairly reflective of people as individuals and our own stubbornness - and that's what government is all about: representation. All I really want from a politician is someone who will do his best to represent the concerns of the people in his district, that's it.

The Failure of Awesome

Josh sent me this link to a touch interface for desktops. It's pretty awesome (and pretty vapor-ware), but it'll meet the same demise of all input device innovation: lack of software.

Apple got it. Multi-touch hardware, and a whole lot of software that leverages that functionality. But if I hook up a multi-touch input  pad to a Windows box, what benefit do I get? Not much, maybe none.

It is very much a chicken and egg problem. Developers don't want to write (or don't get paid to write) software that is for a minuscule slice of the market. They write for the masses. So that means you have to get everyone to buy a multi-touch input device. But consumers aren't [that] dumb. They want to buy stuff that adds value, and if there's no software, they're going to spend their dollar elsewhere.

Apple had a compelling story with the iPhone. It wasn't just, "Hey look! Use your fingerS!!!!" It has a big ass screen with a great viewing angle. It had the best web browsing experience of any phone on the market. It went out of it's way to make your life easier, and oh by the way, "...we do that with multi-touch". It's the same reason we got mice in the first place - input is just a thing, not the thing.

Fencing

The Purdue Open was this weekend. It is always an interesting beast to me. The Fall one is almost always better attended than the Spring, but the Spring one is always better organized.

This year, looking at pictures that the other fencers took of the event, it made me miss fencing. I don't know that I've missed it before now. I thought about getting back into it, wondering where I might find a good fencing home around here. Really it was about the people.

I could spot Big Joe Landin in his black socks from a mile away. I knew the twist of Sam Noonan counter attacking. I knew the call of Josh Williams. It is more fair to say I missed the people, and that fencing was the vehicle we all car pooled in.

Beep beep.

Name Tags

[caption id="attachment_1800" align="alignleft" width="470" caption="Hello my name is Inigo Montoya"][/caption]I don't understand why people insist on doing a piss-poor job of using name tags. "I'll just write my first AND last name, "Baczakeo Demyanakowskiwitz, on this three inch space... oh,and cursive sounds nice."

WTF? Really? You may as well have drawn a big black line on the tag and called it good.

Or there's always the guy who uses  a very thin, blue ink, ball point pen, the one that should have been thrown out a year ago, but he still likes to chew on this one. Jackass, I've seen darker lemon juice.

So here's the rules: Use a sharpie. Print your first name only. If your name is much more than seven characters, just use a nick name and stick it in quotes. "Anna" is way better than "Annastaslinkakola"... it'll be alright if a stranger calls you Anna for the night, it is way better than the crap the rest of us will try to make up because we can't read your ill prepared name tag.

Matt was looking for a blog

So I wrote one while "droppin' a log".

Cheers.

Color and Shoes

Walking home tonight I saw a girl, as one often does on the street, and she was mostly ordinary, unremarkable, with one exception. She had on a bright orange scarf. The color seemed to say to me "I'm having fun, life is awesome." It was just a scarf, on just another girl, but together, they were extraordinary.

I had been thinking about going back to my mis-matched Chuck's for a few weeks now. Partially motivated by my desire to re-find my own roots. Partially motivated by my upcoming high school reunion. Partially motivated to have a shield again, something I could deflect a stranger's dislike unto. And today, partially motivated by the need to have color, the need to look fascinating in a very simple way - a way that says "life is awesome".

Zappos will be sending me two pairs in short order, a navy blue and a light blue pair. I figure it'll be a good start, and something bold enough to achieve my goal, but subtle enough I can wear them at the office.

Just a Thought

I wonder if the crazy shit that went down in the Bible was just a sign of the times. "Oh my wife? She, uh, got turned into a pillar of salt, you know how that goes." is like the modern-day equivalent of "Sorry I didn't get that party invite, the internet must've eaten it."

Then again, maybe not.

Women and Danger

I missed out on doing some things because I was busy doing a lot of other things. Friday and Saturday I was scheduled to be a volunteer at a Ruby on Rails Outreach workshop. Ruby on Rails is the programming language I use at work to write web applications. This particular workshop was targeted at women and was being held at sfCUBE.

sfCUBE is something between community space and a start-up incubator. I was hoping I'd run into someone there who could give me a better run-down of the business, but just being in a place like that made me get off my duff and write an executive summary (cover letter to a business plan) for my library idea (if you want to read it, just ask and I'll share the Google Doc with you, I could use the feedback). So now I have an executive summary, something I could put in the hands of someone who would want to fund my endeavor. It makes my start-up idea much more dangerous than it was a month ago because now my ideas exist on paper.

Alas, no one was at sfCUBE for me to talk to, so that remains on hold for now. Friday night was install night, where w e got all the ladies' laptops set up for Saturday. Saturday I was a TA, helping people when the fell behind, explaining things that I felt like got glossed over during the breaks. It felt good to volunteer, and it felt good to use Rails to do it. So I've made good progress getting my volunteer life back on track.

Today I went to Crissy Field nearest the GG Bridge which was a new part of the park for me. I was there for a coworker's birthday party, so there were a lot of people I knew from work. I had to leave around 3:30 to make my way to rock climbing with Lara who brought her friend, Marie, to join us. After a few hours of climbing artificial rock, we headed out for tapas at Ramblas, which is a pretty tasty tapas place, and I always like tapas because you can try like half their menu at once.

Thus a busy weekend. I wrote the first part of a business plan, made a lot of progress in getting myself back to who I want to be, and spent all of it with people I enjoy.

Dump

Two weeks ago, I got to see Wicked with Miss Lara Owen. It was an awesome show to me because it was campy, and serious, and had flying monkeys, and most importantly I had great company to reflect and laugh with. Shows are meant to be shared and I was glad I didn't see it alone as I had initially planned. It reminded me of two things, the first was that I really enjoy the theater, and the second was when I went to see some community theater with the Dickersons. Those two always know the fun things to do.

Women have the hot pants for Eric the vampire in True Blood which give me no small amount of angst. Eric is the blond, good looking vampire who is a total scumbag. Do they go for Bill, the gentleman vampire who swore off drinking human blood? No. They swoon for the ass hole who has deals in deception and manipulation. Women are crazy, but more accurately, I should say that I'm jealous.

Speaking of TV, go watch Battlestar Galactica. I am not a cylon.

I feel a little rebirth in me. I broke out the brightest colored clothes I had and my propeller beanie and went to a euchre picnic on Sunday. With the foul-mouthed jokes and knowing people well enough that I didn't have to ask wht they did for a living or what they've been up to the last X months... it felt like high school, or rather, I felt like the me I was in high school. I may buy some mis-matched Chucks in the near future.

Step Two: Volunteer

This Friday and Saturday I'm going to teach people (women specifically) how to set up their laptops as a development environment and then how to write a simple web application.

It's what I do every day, and yet I'm nervous as hell that I'll somehow fail. That someone will ask a question that I don't know the answer to and suddenly it'll all come crashing down that I don't really know anything. It isn't true, but that's what I'm afraid of, that's what I'm most nervous about.

Tomorrow, I'm also skipping lunch to spend time with a coworker, Adam, patching Rails. Rails is the platform on which we develop our applications. Rails isn't something we make in house, this is a big deal that is used by developers world-wide. I've never worked on an open source project, let alone something of this magnitude. My participation is two-fold. First, I get to learn about contributing to an open source project. Second, this is something work is making a push for, the higher ups have a vested interest in seeing Rails become a respected platform, and Pivotal getting its name attached to it - but when they pitched free lunch and swag, and no one bit, I decided that while I may feel under-qualified to write code, I wasn't under qualified to set an example for those more able to follow.

Step One: Swearing Off Girls

In an attempt to regain my moral footing when it comes to bedroom affairs, I'm swearing off girls. Sorry girls.

In other news, dudes are still out too.

Pieces of You

An acquaintance of mine warned me about putting too much value in the people I know. Her intention was to tell me that I need to be my own person.

I disagree.

The people I know, the ones I call friends, are people of the highest quality, people I am honored to share my life with. Those people give me strength, and they affect my personality in all kinds of ways, even those people I only know for a short time.

For instance a girl I dated for only a few weeks, she says "I know" in the context of "You like to not smell like garbage? That's crazy talk", and then she says, "I know" with a huge smile and in an almost song like tone. Now every time I'm in that situation, or hear someone say those words in an incredulous sarcastic tone, I am reminded of how that part of her is still a part of me.

It's like when I go back to Lafayette and people say "Let's kick this pig" meaning "I'm ready to go". What most of them don't even realize is that the expression comes from a fencing time before they knew who Will Read was, let alone who originally was ready to kick pigs.

So you see, I'm an agglomeration of the people that are in or have passed through my life. I draw very little distinction between the people I know and have known, and the person I am - they're virtually synonymous.

Matt Asked

So here's the answer to his question, "What have you finally started to listen to?"

1. In high school and on and off the last ten years I have joked that I'm the "eternal bachelor". I say "joked" but it was always that kind of joking where there was more truth than you wanted to let on. I think it's time to resign to the fact that it just isn't going to happen. Life keeps yelling failure at me.


2. I have these moments where I feel like I'm having a cramp, but in my chest. Making a totally uninformed guess it probably is related to a high cholesterol level. This weekend while camping and feeling winded (but not muscle sore) while hiking up Cinder Cone I realized how much I need to take better care of my body. I don't eat very well either. Today a coworker pointed out how many calories I end up drinking  throughout the day in Coke. Life keeps yelling that I'm not doing a good enough job in the health department.


3. With the addition of a niece to my family I realize how distant I keep myself from my family. I look at pictures of her and it's easy to see how she is Jon's daughter. My cousin is going to be in town this weekend. A month back I saw another cousin who was south of the city. It's literally been years since I've seen them before now. Life keeps yelling at me to do better with my family ties.


4. I see the same thing in the pictures of the Roger's new daughter. Every baby I see reminds me of how I don't have a face to look at, someone who has my nose, my chin, my squinty eyes. Knowing my birth family is more important than I want to admit it is. Life keeps yelling at me that "nature" is also important.


5. I have a business idea. The hard kind of idea. The kind that means long hours, hard work, and a "shit-ton" of risk. The kind that tries to steal a person away from tending to his health, family, or romantic life. The kind that ought to be done, but is like carrying around a uranium rod - tremendous potential, but can also destroy all that it touches if one isn't careful.
   
   I've also served in a mentor/teacher/coach role in a lot of different ways. I am happier with life when I am in those roles. I feel like I am growing most during those times.

Conclusion:  My whole life is pretty unhealthy, not to mention my ongoing moral bankruptcy, and life is telling me.

Life has Been Shouting at Me

And I've only just begun to start listening again.

Annual Report

I think Matt pitched the idea of himself being a publicly held company, that his "stock", or value in life, went up and down based on the decisions he made and actions he took.

Along those same lines, I thought about the Board of Directors (BoD) for Will Read, Inc. Assuming I'm the CEO, who would I chair for his expertise in areas where I may want to grow? Who understands the core of Will Read's business and can help shape the future?

• Lara Owen - Head of energy and social things. She's also good at kicking my ass verbally when I'm being retarded.


• Matt Dickerson - At this point he has more historical knowledge of the company, and a cross section of it's product platform than most. Also a good source of balance and stability.


• Josh Williams - Because if Will Read, Inc. failed tomorrow, Josh Williams, Inc. would be there to step in and fill the gap.


• Davis Frank & Matt Magurany - They share a seat on the BoD because they both continue to show me that a) development can be done in a way that doesn't suck, and b) when the development chips are down, it is still possible to stay in it.


• Anne Radavich -They say that ever if there was a female version of me, it would be a lot like Anne. She is different from Josh in that she shares my traits, and not my mannerisms. Anne is full of surprises, like joining the Army, but like most everyone else on the BoD, has a very level head when approaching life's big challenges.

I feel like my brain could power down and that this team would make the same decisions that I would. There are some areas that are not represented, namely family and spirituality. I feel like there is a lot of room to grow there. Family in the 29th year for sure - there's no choice, the market demands it.

Setting up this analogy seems handy. It lets me identify where I'm investing my time, and it also seems to lend itself to establishing goals for the "fiscal year".

Cat Dudes

We were talking about Cat Ladies at work today, the ladies that have 57 cats and she loves them all and never has children because "the cats are her children", when someone mockingly said "you're being sexist". My brain, kinda mushy from the day anyway, decided to explore.

What it came up with was an observation that I don't know any single guys who have been living alone who owned a cat. None. Dudes just don't need cats. I have no reason to account for this, but an informal survey at the office quickly supported my observation.

Sure, single guys will take care of someone else's cat for extended periods of time. Guys might even verbally assert "I'm thinking about getting a cat, it'd be way easier than having a dog in my apartment." But I think at the end of the day you'd be hard pressed to find a guy who owns a cat of his own volition. Girls are crazy.

128 Slides of an Ideal Workplace

http://www.slideshare.net/reed2001/culture-1798664

This is how Netflix rolls, and largely it is also how Pivotal Labs conducts its business. I love my job.

You Can't Find Me in the Crowd

I've been part of several conversations lately that tell me people are afraid that "big brother" knows or will soon know more than they're comfortable with. One conversation was about the Patriot Act, I also was recently sent this link about what ordering pizza could be like. It basically shows a pizza girl clicking through the customer's health info, recent travel purchases, etc.,  and it is all meant to scare you so that you "Take Action" at the end.

But why shouldn't a pizza joint help me make good health decisions by upping the price when I order a pie? I still have the choice, it just is less attractive now to do the thing I wanted to do. Is it really so bad that this information is at someone's fingertips? If you live in a small community you already know what it can be like with everyone knowing what everyone else is up to. This isn't new. More importantly, why are you living life in a way that you have something to hide?

You argue back, "I don't have anything to hide, but what if I'm overlooked for a job because I have a heart condition, or because I spend a lot of money on pink flamingos?" To that I submit that you've probably been overlooked for things that weren't true about you. Wouldn't you rather people made decisions about you based on the truth?

Sure, if one person lets it all hang out while the rest of us keep it all in, he's going to be pretty vulnerable. But if we all lay it on the line for public examination, the guy who hides and holds back sticks out and draws attention. The more you make visible, the easier it is for people to trust you.

The spread of information isn't anything new, we see it in society old an new. You're already being judged, so why not give someone more than just a cover to go off of? Lastly, airing out your dirty laundry builds trust, so you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Share your life, share it freely with anyone who will listen.

Found My Bluetooth Earpiece

It was in my fencing bag.

Now if only I could find my missing Wiimote I'd feel a lot less crazy.

My Phone Breaks Out

Because I was tired of my phone being super lame, I jailbroke it. So now I have the following things:

• Backgroundable apps - thank you!


• Bluetooth tethering, not that I really have a good use case for it


• GPS turn by turn directiony thingy


• Keyboard Cat ringtone/alarm  - sweet


• GV Mobile is back!

I still want AVRCP so my headphones can r0x0rz my b0x0rz.  I'm really tempted to shell out some bucks for the camera app that lets me tap anywhere to use the volume key which would be great of self portraits. I also can't wait to hook up a GPS logger to Google Latitude (is anyone a user btw?).

Fun Fact

The term "guano" does not just refer to bat poop. Among other animal poo, it also includes seal poop.

Who knew?

My Phone

I think I loved my iPhone 3GS for like two business days.

But I can't tether. I can't do much with Bluetooth period. I kinda want skip and pause/play controls to work on my headphones. I want to hook up a keyboard just for shits and giggles. I want to sync with my computer without wires. For reals.

I want other apps besides iTunes to play music in the background, like Pandora, so I can rock out AND check my email.

My location should be something I can publish ALL THE TIME, not just when an app is open. Really, I want to send a txt, not look at a dumb app update my position. I know where I am, my friends do not, figure it out.

I want my apps to be approved. Google Voice, Latitude, and all kinds of other cool things that "duplicate functionality" just mean the bar is higher for all parties involved. And you won't hear me complain if they have the occasional scantily clad woman here and there.

The Pre is a great piece of hardware, backed by a great OS, but leaves something to be desired in the app store. The Android has all the Google goodness I want, but someone forgot the headphone jack, wtf? Even Nokia touts a lot of the missing things here. And I might consider a Windows based phone if I thought "usability" was an add-on.

Sad face.

Really Good Birthday

Lara and Bailey combined forces and planned a fun evening for me on my birthday last night. They gathered up some people I know and had everyone show up at Bucca di Beppos. It's been a while since I'd been to a Bucca, but not for lack of trying.

So I had pasta galore, and bread, and pasta, and good company, and wine, and did I mention I had some pasta. Man I love pasta and people. I was given some really great gifts, including an old book I had loaned out half a year ago. I felt really special to have something planned for me. It really made it a great 28th birthday.

A New Question

Bailey asked me Friday night, "Why is a great guy like you not already married?"

I didn't have a good answer for her then. The standard answers could be things like, "I'm not as good of a catch as you may think", "I'm very picky", or "I'm afraid of commitment", but I'm not sure those are the reasons. They're all at least partially true, I am just a guy, I do set the bar high, and I'm just as apprehensive as the next guy (or girl) about spending the rest of my life with someone.

I can blame fencing for some of it. Even in the longest, best relationship I've had, I consistently picked fencing over her, over us. I think that's what scares me the most about fencing - the addictive effect it had on me. Fencing was easy to pick because it was easy for me to feel needed, and it was easy for me to meet expectations. It seemed like I was living, when the reality was that I wasn't risking anything at all.

The more realistic picture would be that I've been married to fencing for the last eight years, and that I've only been divorced for a year - since I moved out to San Francisco. In that sense I'm kind of just getting back into things.

More than just loving fencing, I think the real issue is that I've been reluctant to risk... myself. No, that's not quite right, I put myself out on the internet for all to read and judge, and I risk life an limb doing things like fencing, kite boarding, and rock climbing. These are not safe activities.

I think I'm afraid of failing someone else. I fear becoming another person's most important person, and not living up to her expectations, falling short. I cna point to countless examples in my life ranging from preschool to present day where I have freaked out, broke down, or abandoned a situation because I didn't think I was good enough. I'm not afraid of failure in itself, but I am afraid of people not finding me to be what they need me to be - of that, I am scared shitless.

After Swine Flu

If somehow I could convince the world that after bid flu, and now swine flu, the next evolution of the flu virus would induce "cat scratch fever" and have news media running around saying "The Cat Scratch Fever pandemic is sweeping the nation...", that would be an awesome day.

Don't kill any cats. I know, they're not as cool as dogs, but it's not their fault you've "got a fever of one-hundred and three..."

Dear Weather,

Thanks for being warm enough to be outside on Saturday. And thank you for raining just enough that everyone went inside except for those of us willing to see what came of it. Thank you for doing so right at sunset, giving us beautiful reds and yellows to the West, and a double rainbow to the East. A guy can't really ask for better weather than that.

Gratefully,
Will

My Day Was Fucking Awesome

It really was. Work went really well (technical mumbo jumbo to follow) and I capped it off with Euchre Night at Buck Tavern where I really felt like I was on top of my social skills.

Work rocked because I got ot work with Colin, who is started the project about the same time as me and we seem to think very alike in terms of design. We implemented the bulk of a new importing system that doesn't destroy old data, just modifies it, and does so in small chunks as opposed to one giant monolithic process that could die at any step and force you to start the whole thing all over. It's fucking sweet. The more we do stuff this way, the better I'll sleep at night.

At Euchre night, I had some great games, I had some crawlers. I did a good job of remembering some names, and picking up others as I went. I talked to the Kates. One just moved across the bay from Oakland and works in digital advertising. The other works as a community organizer and also lives in the city. I also played a hand or two with John, Joe, Kerry, Jamie, CJ, Shawn, and Sarah - who had arctic gulls tattooed on her right arm which I asked her about. Apparently they have the longest migration pattern and therefore spend 70% of their lives in the sun. Who knew?

Upcoming Birthday

My birthday is around the corner on the 24th of this month, I'll be 28. I am not yet convinced that I'm 28... I guess it is hard to explain. I don't feel like a youngin', but I don't think I look (or act) like a guy who is almost 30.

Anyway, the point of this post was to throw out some ideas in case you're wondering what to get me (but by no means should you feel obligated, this is meant ot be helpful and not solicitive).

• climbing shoes


• rope - 150ft


• rope bag/tarp


• small mixing bowls for making sauces or for holding dry ingredients like chocolate chips


• yoyo


• wireless xbox 360 controller


• Left for Dead for XBox 360


• Rayman Raving Rabbids 3 for Wii


• Any Sonic game for the Wii


• settlers of catan - cities and knights expansion


• settlers of catan - traders & barbarians expansion


• other board games

Three Ideas

I recently posted about wanting to start a business in order to exercise parts of me that have been sleeping in San Francisco. I realized I already have three ideas laying around.

Idea #1 - A queue system for libraries. Sure, you can reserve books now, but you can't stack 'em up and take one off when you return the previous one. This would also mean doing away with late fees and due dates. Eventually people could get suggestions on what to read next. A later version might even include a subscription sevice where books get mailed to your door - keep in mind people don't read nearly as fast as they can watch a movie.

Pros: This is the kind of idea that could make a lot of money. From money that users, advertisers, libraries could potentially pay, there's all kinds of revenue streams. It's also the kind of thing that could unify a divided national library system, and breathe new life into dead-tree books.

Cons: This is the kind of idea that costs a lot of money.There's also a high bar to get libraries to change the way they do business. I feel like the sales/implementation effort would be far greater than any technical effort. Also, the market is really saturated - there's tons of card-catalog vendors as well as many new services that are "netflix for books" that aren't connected to libraries. I'd also need to get into the world of Venture Capital, which I understand how it works, but I don't know where to start.

Idea #2 - Puppy Rental. I swear I posted about this idea months ago, but I can't find it now. Anyway, the basic idea is that girls find puppies cute enough that they'll stop and pet 'em. Dudes in the city may not have time and space for a dog, but that doesn't mean he couldn't benefit from an icebreaker, so he comes to me, rents a puppy for the afternoon and walks him in the park. The service encourages being honest when she asks if it belongs to him, or he can say "I'm walking it for a friend". But if he finds himself on the hook, or they fall in love and want the dog that brought them together, the pups would be for sale when they got beyond puppy size.

Pros: Cute girls, getting a fellow man a date, puppies, and fairly easy to start up. A great business for a crowded city.

Cons: Not really a cash cow. One person could make a living with 20 dogs, but that's a lot of dogs. Plus I feel like some animal rights people might take issue.It would also mean moving somewhere that I could have a lot of dogs, and be close to a park.

Idea #3 Fencing Club to end all fencing clubs. 3 stories, 8 strips per floor. Pro shop. Locker rooms with showers. Rent floor space to the college(s), local club(s), and high school(s). Always have the best floor, best equipment, be where the best want to go. maybe even toss in an on-site residence or some temp housing for visiting coaches.

Pros: I know fencing really well. Really well. I've run a smaller scale business like this before. I really like good fencing. I also feel like this would be a "if you build it, they will come" kind of thing.

Cons: Making money in fencing is hard. The building/land in Indiana would be $1mil at least. It isn't the most expensive idea on the list, but it probably has the longest recuperation time. Since this isn't really a "get rich quick" plan, it means I'd be looking at business and personal loans to get this idea off the ground.

New Phone Number via Google Voice!

Finally, I can feel like a native Californian! After waiting a year for the service that was formerly GrandCentral, I now have a new phone number, that points to my old one. *drumroll*

(415) 894-9455

My old number still works, but I get a metric ton of benefits with this one. I can set up rules for which phone rings when you call. So if you're work related, you'd be passed on to my office phone if I had one. If you're a pal, you get my mobile phone. If you're down at the door to the building, you'd ring my phone, my room mate's phone, and our land line.

I can mark callers as spam. 'Nuf said.

I can set up special voice mail messages depending on numbers. So hot sexy girls get a different message than potential business associates.

All my voicemail gets transcribed for me to text by a machine, not humans in India like services like Jott employ. I get free SMS to my GV number. Plus I can listen in as you leave a voice message like the old days of answering machines, plus I can record any call I'm on.

All in all, an amazing service if it lives up to its reputation. And Google gets tons of feedback on the transcription service so they can keep making it better.

Unfounded Theory

The other day I was thinking about handshakes when I was reminded that I'm left handed. It made me wonder if I'm exposed to less germs when I shake hands with people, when I use the railing that is typically on the right side, when I open doors with my right hand because otherwise you just open the door into yourself... and then I touch my face with my left hand.

I haven't been sick enough to go to the doctor since I was in high school. An informal survey revealed that most lefties in my office feel that they are sick less often than their right handed counter parts.

Business

I think I want to start a business again. But not a small business. Nay, the kind of business with venture capital, the kind with a big idea that hopes to make it big enough to get swallowed up by something huge.

Right now, knowledge is the commodity. Google, Facebook, even Twitter are taking the information you give them, and matching that with demographic info that ad agencies have. I understand that much. Not to mention that I like the ads that marketers think a single twenty-something guy wants to look at vs. a forty-something menopausal woman.

The question I keep asking myself is this: "How do I get people to tell me what they know in a way that is fun or adds value to their lives?" Solve a problem. Provide value. These are at the heart of every successful idea and mistake.

Dear Future Personal Ad Responders,

Just as a heads up, when they say "D&D Free" they're not asking you to hide the dice.

Best,
Will

Phone Review

Got the new iPhone 3GS  today. First off, 3G over  my old Edge is waaaaaay faster. Web pages are really snappy. There's lots of little things too, some are hardware, some not - like GPS on the maps is super accurate, and Safari now has auto-complete. I also love having volume controls on my headphones and can't wait till I settle on bluetooth headphones and rock it wirelessly.

But still missing are some apps that I hope to see soon. Google is promising Latitude which should broadcast my location like I've been wanting to do since the first phone I owned. Tom Tom is also promising a turn-by-turn GPS app later this summer. I still want to see Flash happen in the browser, and I wouldn't mind adding a Bluetooth keyboard when I really need to bang out some text.

But what I'm really hoping for... with the boost in processor, RAM, and video action... is the ability to shoot zombies in an augmented reality. It's got to be just around the corner.

Oh yeah, and I forgot, I want subscription sevices for movies and music (maybe games too). Netflix preferably, and Rhapsody-esque for music please!!!! iTunes would be great if it worked this way instead of buying things outright.

Thou Speakest Aright!

I was talking about my blog with Emily when she said that as of late, there's less of me in my writings, and I whole heartedly agree.  It's something I was consciously aware of, but had no root cause, so it remained just an observation. Maybe it was the way she phrased it, maybe it was the context of her being a fencer, but I think that there's less of me to write about.

I think there's less of me because there's no fencing. It's like there's only two contexts to my life now, work, and non-work. Both are pretty rich in my opinion, but they don't exercise all of Will Read either. When I fenced, there was also a coach part, and a business owner part, and a competitor part - none of which really exist presently.

In my head I kind of equate it to writing a story about five characters, and then suddenly there's only two left. Sure, they're the core characters, but they don't have foils to flesh out who they really are. They don't have anyone to interact with. It's not to say life gets dull, but interactions get much less complex. I think that because I don't have to juggle everything, life is less revealing about my own character.

Dear Hypercolor,

Why didn't you say on the tag that you could tell girls you change colors when they touch you???? My youthful years could have been very different.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear Xbox Friends

You should friend me! I just got a Gold membership so I can watch Netflix. My gamertag is TildeWill. My avatar looks like this -->

Dear Safeway Grocery Store,

Your green light bulb shining on the could-be-greener watermelons did not fool me! I see through your clever facade!

Spitefully,
Will

This is where I live

From Naked Bike Ride 2009

I took this picture today after watching a bunch of naked people gear up (down?) for a cross-city bike ride. I live here! Where there's palm trees and blue sky, and art fairs all the time. It's kind of fantastic. Then I rode the cable car home.

Dear Chick at Buck Tavern Last Night,

Your head was down, looking at your phone. I didn't realize you weren't a dude when I asked if you were waiting in line for the men's room. Sorry.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear Fortune Cookie,

Since you did not contain a fortune at lunch today, are you still a "fortune" cookie? I feel like I got a misfortune cookie; no one wants that.

Sincerely,
Will
P.S. You were still delicious.

Dear Apple,

Good job with your new iPhone. I still want tethering though, and where's the flash ont he new sweet camera? And I need to have my phone logging it's location at all times; let's make that happen post-haste.  But I will say that stereo Bluetooth will be amazing. Maybe you guys can crank out some rockin headphones in that Apple way you like to do?

Cheers,
~Will

Dear English Language,

How can someone be "mostly sure"? At that point you're no longer sure, you're just kind of working off a hunch. Weak sauce.

I hate you English,
Will

Dear Phone Manufacturers,

I have the keyboard solution! Combine an iPhone with a chording keyboard and viola! Chording keyboards work by having a small set of buttons, and you press different combinations to produce various characters. In this case I'm picturing 7 keys on the side(s) of the phone. Then as I hold it, I can type away with some speed, and make use of four digits.

Pluses: No bulky physical keyboard adding thickness/weight to my phone. There's also no software keyboard cutting into my screen real estate. Besides, I can't get 10 fingers on that tiny thing anyway, really I'm typing with my thumbs, so screw it. Really it's the 10 fingers that make a full keyboard useful. This way, I an hold the phone and type one handed. Brilliant.

Drawback: I'd have to learn how to "chord". But whatever, there's a whole slew of business folk out there who learned Palm's "Graffiti". Just teach us how to use it with a clever app, and we'll figure out the rest.

Sincerely,
Will

P.S. If anyone makes one, I call dibs. If no one makes one, does anyone know who does custom phone mods?

Dear Beef,

I'm glad there are vegitarians. That leaves more of you for me.

Sincerely,
Will

P.S. Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? *bite*

Dear Australia,

Why do almost all of the marsupials live there? More importantly, how come we got shafted with the opossum?

Sincerely,
Will-went-to-the-zoo-Sunday-Read

Dear Emily,

Thanks for appreciating my cooking dinner for you, and pancakes, and the zoo. Not all women do. Some even go so far to tell me that it's too much too soon. I think they just hate monkeys and a meal prepared with an intent to please.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear Fashion Police,

I do not like wearing a belt. It's a lot of work to put o. It gets in the way throughout the day. I need to have enough belts to match my shoes (and how exactly does one match sneakers?).

My most compelling argument against belts however, is that they serve to hold up one's pants. This implies that I did not buy pants that fit in the first place. I'd like to think I can buy pants that fit well enough on their own.

Sincerely,
Will-no-belt-Read

I'm Pretty Sure She Was a Prostitute

He had on a sports coat, jeans, and sneakers. He hunched at the table in Starbucks once he sat down next to her. She smiled at me the moment I walked in. Not the "I'm happy smile" but rather the "I'm trouble, do you want some of this trouble?" smile. She had on a trench coat that stopped at her thighs and the cut of her dress made it look like all that stood between him and her flesh was the coat and a wink.

He was a geek. He seemed to have no backbone. And yet, she slid her chair around to sit closer to him, and leaned in. He straightened her bag, as if it would fall over and everything would fall out. And then they left together. If she wasn't getting paid to be seen with him, then I have no idea what was going on there.

What I Do, and Who I Am

I go rock climbing, but I am not a rock climber.
I ski, but I am not a skier.
I golf, but I am not a golfer.
I kite surf, but I am not a kite surfer.
I fenced, and I was a fencer.

There are things that I do, but for the most part, they do not define me. I wouldn't say that I'm a guy who hangs on rocks. You wouldn't know my name on the local level, let alone the national level or find it in a magazine about rock climbing.

Fencing was different. I was a fencer. If I was introducing myself I would say "Hello, I'm Will, I'm a fencer" or "...I coach fencing".  If you knew of fencing in Lafayette, you'd eventually hear my name. If you were a fencing organizer in Indiana, you knew where to find me. And I had rubbed elbows with enough people nationally that I could go to most any section and have someone vouch for me. I went home and thought about fencing. I slept and I dreamed about fencing. I was a fencer.

Now, now that I have been fencing-free for a year, I am less sure of what I am. I know that I want to be a husband, a father, but that a least half of that goal is not in my hands. I also find it noteworthy that I can rock climb, but I cannot husband. You can only be a husband, there is no action of "husbanding". Which to me suggests you can't fake it, or do it half way.

Who am I? I once was  so certain. I think that I was "different" when I fenced - more confident, more self-sure in a way that wasn't just shamelessness, but was full on back bone. It was the "two-face"  of being a ref, and just being a guy. It was being an expert, a trusted source, and a reliable resource. I provided value to a significant community. Having that has to be like an addictive drug. The more you get, the more you need it until you have to go cold turkey. So I worry now that I'm putting my toes back in the fencing water: Will I become a fencer again?

Dear Internets,

Some people call you the "intertubes" because you are not in fact a truck that you can just throw things on, but rather you are a series of tubes. Following in that logic, I'm renaming the recreational parts of you to "The Lazy River".

"What are you up to Will?"
"Oh, nothing. Just floating down the lazy river - reading Twitter, seeing what's new on Facebook, and looking up a book on Amazon, the usual."

Sincerely,
A Guy With His Intertube Ready

Realization

I remember sometime in high school thinking about how I often found myself spanning multiple social circles, and uniting those circles. When theater types are hanging with the pot heads and the band geeks you feel like something... unique is happening.

This Tuesday I was asked to assist in leading a group in SF. The organizer said I "had the right kind of personality". And it got me thinking about groups I've led. Wine Bunch, Kite Flying, twelve kinds of fencing, props crew, the list goes on. When I was on ASP staff, a volunteer pointed out that I played the role of "moderator" well - that I wasn't really concerned with the outcome of a meeting, so long as the group was productive. When I think about Agile software development, I like the parts that make people more productive, that make people work together, communicate more to reach a common goal.

I've known that I can be a developer, but I've also known that I could be better at something else. I've always felt like I was intended to be instrumental in something much bigger than who I am. I think this is that thing.

Dear Heart,

If I didn't wear you on my sleeve, I don't know where I'd put you. Inside my chest behind all those ribs just seems like I'm sheltering you from living life.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear San Francisco,

I've been really gassy the last two days. I'm sorry if I stunk up anyone's air space.

Sincerely,

Will-poo-gas-Read

Dear Victoria's Secret,

The model for your new seven way adjustable bra is way hotter than the one in the store windows last month. Since I ride the cable car by your store every day, I appreciate the upgrade.

Sincerely,
Will
P.S. Giving her my phone number would be a good idea.

Ruined

I reffed some foil (fencing) today. It was weird, because people wanted to know my history, and I wanted to tell them, but I didn't want them to know everything because I don't want to do everything again. Ref, coach, fence, armor, run a club.

And yet the day isn't out and I've been asked ot ref again and I may be going to a fencing club this Friday night. I knew this would happen.

Dear Hollywood,

Please, please, please stop putting Kathy Bates in movies. I don't think anyone hates life more than Kathy Bates.

Sincerely,

Will

P.S. Also, if you could take care of Sam Neil for me I'd be a pig in shit.

Related Question:

Do I have my shit together? I guess I assumed I did, but recent events make me wonder... maybe my shit's a mess.

Needs and Fears

I know I'm a better person when I'm volunteering. I need to make things that people use, that's who I am. I feel empty when I don't feel useful.

When I got to SF a year ago, I was enamored with all the opportunities to hang out with people interested in tech stuff. I went to a tech-talk hosted by Microsoft every couple of weeks - that where I met Rosey. I also started going to a group where people talked about Agile/Scrum. I was an oddball as a developer there. Most people were project managers of some sort.

I made a mistake of showing up to a leadership meeting for the group. I had hoped to learn how the pros get stuff done. I just wanted to observe, to be a fly on the wall. I saw the same things I see in any group of people. "The Problem" was still there. We're all human it seems, and we all face a challenge of communication.

What I saw was legislature getting in the way of people who wanted to do work, who were eager to help. Arguably the procedure needed to be there, and practices respected, but that doesn't mean it sat well with me.

Meanwhile, some of the people from that group started up another group with the goal being to do Agile development for non-profit organizations. I was a developer, I needed to volunteer, to make something useful, and I put my eggs in that basket.

I went to two meetings and I saw the same kinds of things (and people) that didn't sit well with me from previous group - I felt like we couldn't even agree what to work on. I thought, "How can we possibly get anything done if we work like this???" So I ran away; hiding my talents from a group that needed them, and depriving myself of an opportunity to really feel whole again. I was afraid that it'd be like a really sucky job that didn't pay well. I've quit my share of jobs where there's too much direction and not enough effort.

So tomorrow, I'm having coffee with the man who is heading up this project. He knows that I lied about why I wasn't available for the last two months. He knows why I'm hesitant to jump in. We're going to talk about it. I'm afraid of what he has to say. I'm afraid that I might come out feeling like it isn't the situation I want, but that I might try it anyway because I don't have anything that better matches my skills and needs.

Dear San Francisco

I'm not gay. Sorry SF, I know there's a lot of dudes who are into dudes, but that's not me. I have no qualms with the gay community, but I have been banking on the fact that the assumption in the past has always been that I'm straight. This is a whole new ball game convincing a woman that I'm straight in addition to letting her know I'm interested without comming off as a skeeze.

Some people have tried to convince me it is a compliment. "Gay guys keep themselves up better" is the assumption that comes from. But really it's more like someone confusing me with a guy named Steve. I'm not Steve. I'm Will, it's totally different. Nothing against Steve.

I feel like this little fella who says "Fuck you! I'm an anteater!"

If My Eyes Were Green With Blue

One morning when I ran ahead of schedule,
I spy you on the other side of the cable car.
My still-wet hair rests upon my neck,
I could not know just then who you saw
With your eyes.
It was me, and I was easily beautiful to you that morning.

Sutter would be my stop.
I am on my way to work.
One leg passes the other.
You hope for my happiness that day.

I slipped my tennis racket over my shoulder,
You are on the cable car again, I had told you I sang.
Now you knew I play tennis too.
That weekend would I see you? You wanted to see me
With your eyes.
Every word I say to you speaks volumes of my energy.

Sutter would be my stop.
I am on my way to work
Your heart is uncertain,
"Let's go out on Sunday", you hope I would say.

My home is in Seattle, but I enjoy my deviations.
Reading is sexy, and a big part of my job.
The hole in my jeans and the wine on my chucks
Tells you I've really lived, that my story is worth hearing
With your ears.
You admire me for my confidence, my strength of will.

Sutter would be my stop.
I am on my way to work.
Your right hand clasps the rail,
Your left hand waves "good morning" as I step off.

Tongue-tied and twisted you speak to me
Without thinking, without being afraid of me-
Knowing who you are when no one is looking.
You listen and search my choir for my voice
With you ears.
Certain of the sound, never finding it in the crowd.

You think about me every morning
As leave your home for work each day.
You hope that I am there waiting
On my feet.

This Weekend: Kite Surfing

For being Thursday, it's as much of a lock as it can be. A guy at work, John, als o kite surfs, so he's offering me a ride down to 3rd Ave on Sunday. I've got my gear ready. All systems are go!

Lessons (Re)Learned

This weekend was a great chance to get some perspective. I won't go into what the situation was to "protect the innocent". First and foremost, I reaffirmed that I'm a good looking guy. I haven't always thought that was true. Maybe it wasn't true.

I also relearned that making a girl feel special is a great feeling.

Cat and the Bag: Mavenlink is Live!

My first project at Pivotal Labs was with a company called Mavenlink. Their site went live a few days ago and I've got a green light to put the word out on the blogospere, so here it is: http://www.mavenlink.com.

What is it? Think "Craigslist gigs meets legitimacy". It's aimed at contract work and is a little more tailored towards the legal/financial crowd, but works just as well with any tech jobs you may have.

How do I use it? Let's say you need some work done, like you need some tax work or you need someone to update some web content. You post your project along with what you expect to pay, and then sit back and wait for the mavens to come along. They'll make bids, tell you when they can deliver the goods. You'll make a counter bid or pick the maven that fits your needs. You can collaborate on the site,and the maven's work is reasonably secured but viewable until you fork over the cash through Paypal. Then Mavenlink releases the assets and both sides get what they want with less risk than ordinary email.

I was on the project for just over a month, and my involvement was only a small part of a larger and longer team effort. The guys on the Mavenlink side were awesome to work with, both on a business side and "getting Agile", as well as the human beings that are fun to work with side. Their goal with this release is to get a lot of feedback and continue to add the features that buyers and mavens need to do business safely and effectively, so don't hesitate to talk to them and suggest features. So go on, make a MavenBid!

15 WPM

soooo sloooow.

Shameless Shown to Differ From Confidence

Lara pointed out that I have no shame, and while there's some overlap with being confident, it isn't the same.

I have no shame. It lets me yell in public, dance, and hump people's legs as a greeting. It keeps me from getting flustered when someone has something negative to say. Yet it isn't confidence.

I think confidence must be what it is like to have no shame, and to be suave about it. It's a certain charisma, a certain deciceiveness. It's having a plan, but being able to improvise. It's knowing everything and reacting quickly, fluidly. It is also about knowing that someone wants to talk to you, about holding their attention in a conversation.

Confidence is more than standing up straight or how you walk. There's something else to it, something I can't put my finger on... It's like a good comedian tells a joke and he knows when, where, and how the laught will come before he even starts.

Touch Type Shame

Software engineers type a lot. I kind of know how to type without looking at my hands, but I don't exercise that enough. So what I do is some crazy combo of hunt and peck and real touch typing. The result is that I have a good feel for where the keys are, but since my hand doesn't have a constant home, I don't know exactly where the keys are in relation to my hands.

Everyone at my office can touch type but me. So I've decided to learn. Now I am playing a game on the BBC's website: http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/typing/. It kind of reminds me of Pa' Rappa the Rappa in a way.

This post was typed very slowly, but without looking at my hands.

Delicious Cereal

I finally found a grocery store in the Bay Area that sells Peanut Butter Cap 'n Crunch!!! It's been almost a whole year. I've missed you Cap 'n.

Ten Percent

For the 10,119 days I've been alive, I now have over 1,100 blog entries as documentation of my life. Some are one liners, some are just thoughts not tied directly to my day-to-day. On the other end, I couldn't write for the first few years of my life, and the next few after that probably aren't that interesting. My hope is to continue to increase the ratio of documentation to days.

The drawback to all this writing, is that it can be hard to go through it all. It'd be a hard sell to ask someone to read 1,000 pages of anything let alone the uncoordinated writings of someone. I guess that's why blogs work. I can generate a lot of informaiton, that you can read incrementally. It's like the newspaper meets autobiography.

#10118 - Rocks, Girls, and Randy

My personal climbing was at a 5.8 tonight. I tried that 5.10 I went up last time and only got a few holds up. I don't know what magic I was working before, but it was not there this time. Rosey came along, and we also picked up a stray climber, Randy. Randy grew up in Hawaii and is a life coach now. Rosey and I both agree that being a life coach would be a good job, but that you kinda have to have your own life together before you can run around doling out advice. Randy and I exchanged numbers, so hopefully I'll climb with him again.

The other thing going through my mind lately is that it's Spring. Spring is generally a bad time for me and dating. Fall is my champion, but probably because I'm trying all Spring and Summer and finally something comes through in September-ish. This go-around could be particularly frustrating since I've been without any kind of girlfriend since early November (six months). But there were some cute girls out tonight. Taking some of my own advice, I should have said "hello" instead of thinking about how to say "hello". It's easy, and if you panic, one can always say "Hi" instead and save three whole letters. But instead I rode BART quietly with my headphones in my ear holes letting life pass me by.

Adventure for #10117: The Kindness of Friends

Yesterday, I was unexpectedly carless. My intention had been to rent a car locally when I got to the airport, but since I never made it to the airport, I never got a car. Instead I became went into the care of the Brunos. I was comfortable leaning on them because I had lived with Matt I one summer and had this seen Christina a few times. Also, like me, they weren't from Cinci, so I knew that they would be
Looking for ways to pass the time between brunch and the wedding.

Christina did a fabulous job of putting up with the Will/Bruno antics, most of which involved gang signs and call outs related to Norwood, which we passed several times. I haveno explanation for our action other than of was rediculous and funny. So I had to drop my pride a bit to depend on someone else, but it was much better experience to catch up with them than to drive alone.

At the wedding towards the end of the reception, Jess asked if I had a ride back to my hotel. I did not since the Brunos had left at that point. She offered to take me back, I took a breath.

Back story made super short: Jess and I dated back in college for over two years. We keep in touch mostly through events like this that the old fencing crew is attending. She's now seeing a great guy, Jeff, for a couple of years now and I imagine they'll tie the knot soon enough. There's no bitterness on either side, but for me, I get a bit squeemish when someone drags up a habit or memory that I shared with her. Like my friend Josh, I don't like feeling out of my place, so I try to keep my contact with her at a friendly minimum.

I did need a ride though, and Sadie was riding with, so with great hesitation I accepted. It was ok, I didn't die, I didn't put my foot in my mouth either. This morning, Jeff picked me up at the hotel, and Jess cooked breakfast for the four of us. It was delecious and more time with friends than I initially counted on.

And I was further humbled when
Jeff drove the four of us to the airport to drop me off. It's at least a thirty minute trip and they'd have to go back later to drop off Sadie who didn't leave till eight.

What I think feels uneasy about kindness like this is that it's how I expect myself to act for others. What I don't expect is to need the help of those around me. I view myself as a provider, so it goes againt my self image to accept help. I'm fortunate enough to have friends who find ways to help me anyway.

Adventure for #10116: Marriage

I'm thinking about composing a short autobiography for publishing about adventures; the pretense being that if you want to have an adventure, you must leave something behind.

This Saturday, my friend Kyle, who I call Whitey, began his adventure in marriage. He left behind a certain amount of freedom, a level at which I can assume he's comfortable with at this stage of his relationship. But he also left behind lonliness. You may think, "Will, no one wants lonliness, he's not really giving that up." For Whitey that may be true. For me, it is true that I ultimatly do not want to be lonely, but at this point in my life I wonder how much of myself I define through being single.

On the up side, I can travel by the seat of my pants like I did the day before, making up life as it comes, and I don't have to worry about what anyone else wants to do. I get to have adventures like losing my hat on St. Patrick's Day. And when someone asks me if I'm happy I always have an answer that says I've got room to move up. I think it keeps me humble; if I had the trifecta: great job, great social life, and a great mate, I'd become unbearably happy with life pretty quickly. I'm not ready to be lonely, I'm not ready to manage my happiness so that I remain approachable, I'm not ready to leave that behind just yet and have the adventure that Whitey is on. I admire him and all my married friends for being able to take those steps.

Adventures for #10115

As expected, cab rides for 100 miles are expensive. I left SFO on time and arrived in Philly only to discover that my Cinci leg had been canceled. Balls. So I find the US Airways customer service where I'm greeted by a long line of grumpy travelers. I comiserate with one manwgo was on his way home to Akron (that alone might make me grumpy), and eventually make it up to the counter.

I'm informed that the cancelation is due to "weather", but I look outside where it's sunny and clear, my iPhone claims the same for Ohio and I later discover that a plane flew to Cinci at 1pm, just 3 hours earlier. As the cause was weather, the airline was not going to compensate me at all. I was subsequently put on standby for a flight to Cinci that was already going to be late, arriving at 11pm, and was already "very overbooked".

Sooooo, am I going to make of to Cinci today?
Well, tomorrow there's a flight, but that is also over sold.

What about Dayton?
Canceled.
Indianapolis?
No more flights today?
Louisville?

Columbus?
I can put you on stand by for that too if you'd like.
Yes, please.
It's also over sold by the way.

I think this is how people come to a point where they want to kick puppies. The situation looks grim. I ask my phone how long the drive is from Philly to Cinci... 10 hours. It's four o'clock now, and my body is three hours behind, I could make that drive if I wanted. But I want to drive 10 hours as much as I want to wipe my ass with twelve grit sand paper.

I breifly entertain the idea of staying in the Philly area since Jersey Girl lives just two hours away. She called me back after a text and basically it was the worst possible weekend for her. It made me a little sad, but made my choice easy. So I went to Avis car rental who made my choice even easier: econo car, one way = $375 plus $200 damage deposit, which I didn't have.

Back to customer service. Yay. The Cinci flight is now delayed till midnight, but the Columbus flight is a lock if I want it. I take it. I assume that I can get a cheaper rental in Columbus to take me the two hours to Cinci where I have a hotel I've already paid for.

Hahaha! What a fool I am!

I land in Columbus at midnight. Here they're offering to rent me a car for $250 plus the damage deposit. Still out of range. "Are there any shuttles?" I ask. "You can take a taxi I think."

Thanks for your help, not!

So now I have my haggle pants on. It's 1am and I just want to go to bed. I'm losing $70 on my hotel room if I don't go there, and a hotel at the airport would be at least $100. Plus I'd still have to get to Cinci. The only phone number for someone in Cinci an ex girlfriend and I don't want to wake her up to drive 4 hours for my lost ass.

Taxi it is. So I ask the guy at the taxi line what a cab ride to Cinci would run me. He tells me, I choke a little bit. But we conspire together since it's the middle of the night and there's a whole line of cabs doing nothing but burning gas and waiting. The price was
High enough that I was able to _save_ a hundred bucks on the fare.

And ninty minutes later I was at my hotel. In Cincinnati. And I've sworn off travel until the next time.

Oh Yeah!

On my way back from climbing tonight I got what I consider to be the coolest thing you can get in SF and no where else: A CABLE CAR HIGH FIVE! Some kid riding the boards on an on coming car held up his hand, I understood, held mine up and we gave each other a high five at 19mph! Everyone on my car who saw it had a big smile on their face, one that probably looked like my own I'm sure.

Rock climbing at Mission Cliffs was even better tonight. It was busy as hell and Rosey couldn't make it out, both factors combined well because there was a guy there who needed a climbing buddy. I went up a 5.6 and 5.7 pretty smoothly this time, really got my feet into places where grabbing the next hold was a piece of pie.

So Josh went up this 5.10 in a corner. It seemed pretty straight forward, and when you needed an extra hold or footing you can always smear on the wall for a transition. So up I went, and I got through the first two thirds without much trouble save a long reach half way. Then I got stuck. Rather than burning out, I yielded to the wall and came down. Josh complimented me, saying it was a big jump from 5.7 to a 5.10, and we called it a night trading business cards on the way out.

Arrested Development Season 3

Season 3 of Arrested Development is genius! The entire season is all about the funny stuff that happened in the first two seasons and then building on top of that. The drawback is that you have to watch the first two seasons where I laughed a small laugh every other episode. However, in season 3, when the whole family was doing their own chicken impersonation, none of which were anything standard, I knew I was in for a treat.

So now I see why everyone thought I'd love the show. I work the same way. My humor is powerless to those that don't know me. On those that I've spent some time and developed some back story with, those people will know what it means to get a Will-Read-ab-workout.

My breath smells like hotdogs.

Rock Flying

Today I joined Rosey (from Wine Bunch) at Mission Cliffs for some fun fun rock climbing action. I remembered how to tie in, but my climbing sucks. I barely made it up a 5.6, and back in the day I was jumping up 5.10's. Rosey however, went up the walls with a lot more grace and ease. The gym is great, lots of routs, great floor (easy to walk on, but seems soft enough if you ended up crashing on it). Plus they also have the standard workout type equipment. If you show up alone they'll also announce that you're looking for a climbing partner. I like climbing because it's thinking and exercise, kind of like fencing in a way, but slower.

Then, after some lunch in the Mission, Rosey and I parted ways (she was off to pick up a violin and then move into her new apartment). I then made my way out to Chrissy Field and got my kite up in the air. It was great, laying in the grass, shorts, t-shirt, and some lite rock streaming on my iPhone. When I started to get cold from the wind I packed it up, and then went over and helped a guy who had walked by earlier with a kite like mine and seemed to be having some trouble. He had a knot, so I helped him untangle it, launched him a few times, then gave him some pointers. We talked a little about kite surfing and I was on my way. The wind is back, so it's just a matter of time before get on the water myself. I can't wait!

Something Old

Sometime Thursday night I realized I'm the me I haven't seen in almost a decade! The me that yells on the streets and has his friends cover his mouth. The me that tells jokes in group settings, aweful jokes, if only to amuse himself. The me that finds his company laughing as a result. The me that doesn't care if people don't want to laugh. The me that is himself and isn't afraid of scaring people away.The me that curses, and just speaks with more color in general.

Things must be going well if I'm that person. I must have friends that I can count on, that I can hang out with effortlessly who are close by. I must be happy with what I'm doing. I must be challenged. I must be comfortable, at home. I must also be fairly free of people  who depend on me to run things. Footloose and fancy free.

I've thought about mismatching my shoes again. I want people to know I'm "that guy" and not just "some guy". I want to stand out.

Train Win!

So holy shit! There's a train that runs from Oakland (BART accessible from San Fran) to LA and Seattle!!!!!! It's called the Coast Starlight. I haven't checked prices or times, but it would seem like my visitable friend circle just got a whole lot bigger. P.S. Disney Land, July 24th, here I come!!!!

Update: Tickets are roughly $50 each way, the ride is roughly 11 hours, and most schedules from here to LA involve bus-train-bus action (but there is one direct route most days). On the plus side, this route will receive funding from the stimulus package.

Pairing

At work, we pair program. It's better than code reviews because it's inline. Someone always knows what I'm doing, and he can offer advice as I go. He can steer me clear of potential pitfalls. He keeps me honest. My pair is always up to speed and so it is easy to talk to him about the thing I'm working on because he's a part of that too. In return I do the same things for my pair, whoever it might be that day.

I think a good relationship is a lot like pair programming. Someone who is an active part of my life. I don't have to bring her up to speed because she's there every step of the way. I pull on her experience to help me when I get stuck. I give her a chance to rest while I drive for a bit. In return, she gets the same things from me.

I want to find my pair someday.

If I Had to Guess

I'd say my story pretty much ended Tuesday night. I'll miss my hat.

Stop Doing Stuff and Watch This

Ten Months in SF

I'm quickly coming up n ten months in the city by the bay. I don't know what to say about it except that it still feels new, but strangely comfortable all at the same time. June 9th will be a full year. I moved in just in time for the warm season, and that was really fantastic.

I haven't missed my car once. There was a chunk of time where I wondered if I would have spent more time living in SF unemployed than I was employed. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. I haven't fenced.

My views of technology and politics are skewed, not from a personal stand point, but what the population at large thinks. Everyone in my office, literally, has an iPhone. I've come to expect people to be able to surf the web anywhere. Similarly, I feel like everyone loved Obama, wants gay marriage and marijuana legalized, but I know that's not the case.

I still ride the cable car as often as I can. Thanks to my new job, I get a monthly pass mailed to me at a pre-tax rate. Aside from someone I know through Euchre, I'm the only native who rides it religiously. Standing on the sideboards is the best, if you're not riding outside, you're better off walking.

St. Patrick's Day Is My Favorite Holiday Ever

And this one was no exception. I don't know where to start because I'm not yet sure where it'll end.  I guess I'll start at noon when I read an email from Magurany. He asked me if I was going to be wearing my blinking bow tie that day. My plans had been to just rock my "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirt and leave the dress clothes for another year. Closer to five, Lara txts me with "Irish Bank" which I take to mean that she's at the bar called Irish Bank, and I'm to join her there. Six rolls around and I'm ready to go. I Google the Irish Bank as I walk out of the office, just a few blocks up Grant in some alley.

Back story: When I was a junior in high school, a Michelle came from Europe and took my favorite hat and gave me kisses. I got a new favorite hat just a week ago.

I meet and greet Lara, Geoff, Alan, (all from my Jobvite days) and some other folks I know. I get sent for beer and I make the mistake of going inside. What seems like two days later I emerge with a Guinness in each fist. At this point I'm armed to the teeth with green beads. They served me well in Chicago where I picked up a set on the street. So I gave Lara one string for a kiss on the cheek. Then some lady walked over get in a photo of her friends. She snapped one off, then she looked at me with that "would you take a picture for me so I can be in it" face. I obliged, and we talked long enough for me to give her some beads and get another cheek kiss. I turned my attention to the people I knew, but she stuck around to talk to some of them.

She was Irish, like flew in to visit the US kind of Irish. Was staying with a mutual friend and a couple of other people from Ireland. My friends disbanded since some had been drinking for five hours (it was only 7pm) and so I decided to jump ship to make a pit stop at home. I rebased my stomach with some quickly prepared ramen, and thought about Magurany, and how I really ought to break out my bow tie. After throwing on two undershirts, a long sleeved waffle weave shirt and finally the collared shirt, I pulled up my suspenders, clipped my bow tie, and turned on the lights.

I decided to go back to Irish Bank. Maybe my friends would return, maybe I'd meet someone else I knew, or maybe I'd go talk to that Irish girl if she was still there. She was still there, so talk I did.There was more bead commerce between us, but the kiss was much better this time. Afterward, she wasn't too shy about grabbing my hat when she went to buy us shots, and I wasn't ready to put up a fight since she'd given me the best snogging of my evening. If i had known her name was Michelle at this point in the evening, I might have been more protective.

I'm slowing down because my stomach is telling me to reduce my rate of intake and considering going home when her friends invite me to follow them to Page, an Irish bar on Divisadero and Haight. It's a good three uphill miles  from my place and I'm fresh out of cash to get home, so unless I leave before midnight, I'm walking home.

It's twelve oh five now. I'm walking. Might as well enjoy it.

After spending my last seven dollars on a pint that I really only looked at for the next hour, the snogging resumes. Things are going... "well" for me and Michelle at this point in the evening, and I decide to hit the head one last time. Already most of her mates (that's Irish speak for friends) have parted, so it's just Michelle and one other girl. The line at the men's room is long for some unknown reason, and when I'm done in there she's gone. I look thr0ugh the whole bar, no Michelle, no mate, no hat. I didn't get a number or anything. I'm sure at some point I shrugged to no one, and then headed home.

It was one in the morning, I knew I had at least an hour of walking to do. It wasn't cold outside, but I wouldn't say it was warm either. I pulled down my sleeves and began my trek. I passed some other people in green, mine was all but gone at this point. My shirt was untucked, covering my suspenders that now hung at my sides. My bow tie was in my pocket, the beads had been "confiscated" because when they were on my belt loops, they apparently were "too gay", and I was hatless.

I was on Divisadero approaching Fulton wondering if somehow I'd bump into Michelle on my way home, or if I'd ever see my hat again, like if I went to Ireland some day. In my semi-intoxicated and distracted state I noticed a skateboarder ahead. He didn't seem to know where he was going, so I took a step toward the curb. I noticed he was with a girl, now directly in front of me, with a tree between us. I figured I'd have to walk in the street to get around them and get on my way home. But with perfect timing and grace she stopped walking, moved to the side, and apologized for the skate boarder. I had plenty of time and space when I said "Thank you". I made no further changes to my course, and continued the remaining uneventful adventure.

By that time I had concocted a plan to post on Craigslist's "Missed Connections" to see if Michelle might want to meet up, let me say good bye, or at least return my hat. Consequently, I've been checking like a crazy person, hoping not to miss my last shot to see her. Tonight, I ran across this posting by some girl: Walking on Fulton Weds. Evening:

Hey, okay so this is pretty lame but worth a try, I was just walking home with my friend, I was walking my bike and my friend had a skateboard. We were on Fulton, I think between Brodrick and Baker.

We stopped and you walked between us because there was not enough room for all of us on the sidewalk in that particular spot, and you very politely said thank you.

You have to excuse us, my friend was a little drunk, and we were acting very childish at the moment, and giggling super loud about stupid things. Just one of those days I guess.

Anyway, I was kind of in awe, you had an amazing smile, and I wasn't really expecting to run into any extremely good looking people at the moment, so I really had nothing good to say.

Well, I hope you have a good night, and maybe I will run into you on the sidewalk again and not act like a little kid.

She's talking about me. Off by a block, but me none the less. So I wrote her back with a picture and some details. I'm hoping we'll do coffee or something soon. Like I said before,  I don't know how this story ends yet. I've got five days to see my hat, and maybe this girl with her bike, who knows!?!?!

Maybe my life really is "an adventure".