They Don't Make Guys Like Me

As Jenny points out, in a round about way in my last post I said that I do not exist. But I do exist. I'm here, and I persist, despite all the parts of me that may seem at odds with themselves.

Especially when it comes to dating, and trying to justify in my head why an amazing woman would want to hang out with me, I've always thought, "They don't make guys like me." They really don't. Guys who don't have substance abuse problems, guys who are responsible, guys who are gainfully employed. Apparently just those seemingly bare bones qualifiers limits the datable population quite a lot.

I realize this post is reading as rather self-indulgent. You're reading my blog, about me. Deal.

Then you add on the "normal" good stuff. For instance, I'm pretty funny. I also look pretty hansom, not gorgeous, but hansom enough. I can carry on a conversation and I listen to what people say instead of drifting off in my own thoughts. I'm the kind of guy your mom would like for you to date, and that your dad wouldn't need to brandish a gun at to get his daughter home on time. They don't make guys like that anymore.

Then there's the quirky parts; most of which stem from my lack of social inhibitions or lack of shame.The only way you can get me to turn red is to call me up in front of a group and tell me I'm doing a good job. But I can't be cut down by jokes about the things I like, or the people I hang out with. I'm bullet proof in this way. I even mis-match my shoes so that you know how much your cuts don't hurt me. Peer pressure was a non-issue growing up; I've always been my own person.

I have only one big fear - of dying and having people say that my life was cut short before I could really enjoy it, or take advantage of it, or be happy. So I constantly battle that fear by saying "yes" when an opportunity presents itself, by spending time with friends, by riding the cable car instead of the bus to work. I love my life.

The thing I want most in life, is to have someone to protect. Someone to love fully, without the boundaries. Someone who will protect me and love me without limits. But people freak out when you tell them things like that. They don't make guys like me.