I've been helping Amy paint the kitchen and common area of the part of her sister's house she lives in for the last two days. It's a total blast because I get to spend tons of time with amy and we're doing something, but it isn't so involved that it hinders discussion. Or if there would normally be akward silence, here it's just focused painting. And we talk about nothing at all, to some of the more meaty topics we've gotten into.
Paining also helps me with my craving to be a home owner. I got to fix a set of light switches, and pull down some light fixtures, not to mention the whole painting thing. So it's arguably a very selfish thing I'm doing by helping Amy paint, but I also get to help. And she's already cooked for me once and grabbed some wine for us to drink while we painted and her sister offered to cook dinner for us. All of which is great but totally unnecessary, I'd really be quite content just to get paint stuck in my hair while hanging with Amy.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Reality Is...
The reality is that there have really only been two jobs I've had that I can look back and say "I really enjoyed that work." It's interesting because they're the only full-time-non-computer jobs I've had. Working full time as a staffer for the Appalachia Service Project, and being a full time fencing coach were both great experiences.
But what I don't know is if I liked them because of the type of work I did, or the ability to manage my own time to a high degree. In the case of ASP, I was one of four staffers, and three of us answered to the fourth, then he reported to ASP HQ, but they didn't really meddle in the day-to-day stuff. I was the "Finance Guy" so I Had my domain and as long as my reports got in and I did the rest of my duties, no one really had anything to say.
In being a fencing coach and club owner, it was much the same way. I essentially had no one to answer to and no one to answer for. My choices were my own and they affected me (and my club) only. Maybe that's why small businesses are appealing, and maybe that's why I get so upset when things don't go well. I want control over my life. It would seem that I don't care what it is that I'm doing, so long as I have control over how I do it.
But what I don't know is if I liked them because of the type of work I did, or the ability to manage my own time to a high degree. In the case of ASP, I was one of four staffers, and three of us answered to the fourth, then he reported to ASP HQ, but they didn't really meddle in the day-to-day stuff. I was the "Finance Guy" so I Had my domain and as long as my reports got in and I did the rest of my duties, no one really had anything to say.
In being a fencing coach and club owner, it was much the same way. I essentially had no one to answer to and no one to answer for. My choices were my own and they affected me (and my club) only. Maybe that's why small businesses are appealing, and maybe that's why I get so upset when things don't go well. I want control over my life. It would seem that I don't care what it is that I'm doing, so long as I have control over how I do it.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
It's Blog Action Day
http://blogactionday.org/
One of the most fulfilling things I've done to address poverty is to participate in the Appalachia Service Project (http://asphome.org). It's a housing project like Habitat in the West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee area that does some new construction, but mostly home repair. I went as a volunteer four years in a row, then in college I became a staff member in the summer, and then went as a group leader for several years afterwards. It's tied loosely to the Methodist Church. I wish I could explain to you what it was like to sleep on the floor of a high school gym for a week, eat cafeteria food, and sweat my balls off in the sun and feel great every moment of it.
I'm a doer. I feel good when I help by doing, not by standing on a soap box, not by donating money. I have to get my hands in it, it has to be hard.
Poverty is a huge topic. I've been lucky enough to be raised in a well-to-do family, to have an education, and to have the ability and ambition to put that education to use in gainful employment. What gets me most about living in SF now is that there are homeless guys who stand at the same spot all day begging for money. They're there before I go to work, they're there when I go home. It's a job the way I see it, but they have no boss, and every patron is their customer. I wonder what the retention rate is like? But at that point, why not get a "real" job? There's an emotional component to it, something that Amy brought to my attention. It's something I feel like I should understand better.
What I've Done
One of the most fulfilling things I've done to address poverty is to participate in the Appalachia Service Project (http://asphome.org). It's a housing project like Habitat in the West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee area that does some new construction, but mostly home repair. I went as a volunteer four years in a row, then in college I became a staff member in the summer, and then went as a group leader for several years afterwards. It's tied loosely to the Methodist Church. I wish I could explain to you what it was like to sleep on the floor of a high school gym for a week, eat cafeteria food, and sweat my balls off in the sun and feel great every moment of it.
I'm a doer. I feel good when I help by doing, not by standing on a soap box, not by donating money. I have to get my hands in it, it has to be hard.
What I Think
Poverty is a huge topic. I've been lucky enough to be raised in a well-to-do family, to have an education, and to have the ability and ambition to put that education to use in gainful employment. What gets me most about living in SF now is that there are homeless guys who stand at the same spot all day begging for money. They're there before I go to work, they're there when I go home. It's a job the way I see it, but they have no boss, and every patron is their customer. I wonder what the retention rate is like? But at that point, why not get a "real" job? There's an emotional component to it, something that Amy brought to my attention. It's something I feel like I should understand better.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Atom and Eve
I talked more with Josh and Anne, delving into the intricacies of the metaphor for "chemistry". Josh says that the reaction may be slow to happen. I'm pretty convinced that it either is gonna happen or it isn't. There's no "making" of the chemistry. And it's a strange thing for me to come to terms with. I grew up thinking that if two people seemed like a good match, then they could foster the yet-unidentified chemistry.
All the years spent, wondering why I liked someone and not understanding how they could possibly not feel the same about me! If only I'd known! But then how do you know? What is it about a relationship that makes you say "There's some chemistry here"? I don't know, but I know it when I feel it. So the point is that if you can't make it, you just have to find it.
All the years spent, wondering why I liked someone and not understanding how they could possibly not feel the same about me! If only I'd known! But then how do you know? What is it about a relationship that makes you say "There's some chemistry here"? I don't know, but I know it when I feel it. So the point is that if you can't make it, you just have to find it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Molecules
Anne equated attraction to atoms. Some atoms can sit side by side but they never react. They understand each other, they have the same protons, same electrons, same neutrons. But we just don't have Chlorine Argon. But snuzzle up some Hydrogen next to some Oxygen and look out! WATER! Reaction! Attraction...
It is like that. Just like that. The problem is that I don't know exactly what kind of molecule I am, I don't know what kind of molecules the ladies out there are. And even if I knew both I still wouldn't know which ones I'd react with.
But that's actually a lie. I know a lot about me, more than I'd say most people know about themselves. I also know a decent amount about the kind of ladies that I'm attracted to. I even know a little bit about the ones that have been attracted to me. This all means I'm pretty well off for being an atom looking to form a molecule.
It is like that. Just like that. The problem is that I don't know exactly what kind of molecule I am, I don't know what kind of molecules the ladies out there are. And even if I knew both I still wouldn't know which ones I'd react with.
But that's actually a lie. I know a lot about me, more than I'd say most people know about themselves. I also know a decent amount about the kind of ladies that I'm attracted to. I even know a little bit about the ones that have been attracted to me. This all means I'm pretty well off for being an atom looking to form a molecule.
Nitrogen atom seeks single Oxygen to form a strong bond. Willing to share electrons, can offer fulfillment of outter shell.
Unwound
Recent events led me to consult the almighty Google for information about "chemistry", what makes two people love each other. I found stuff that talked about chemicals in the brain, blah, blah, blah. Endorphins this, and dopamine that. But wait, what if that's all there is to it? Then I read about people becoming addicted to the checmicals, and that's why they stay in relationships - that monogamy is programmed into us. The people who hop from relationship to relationship are addicted to the set of chemicals found in the beginning of the relationship.
[NOTE: there was more to this post originally, but it got eaten by the internets, so I wrote the paragraph below the next morning]
The whole think smacks of "no choice" and "no control" in the sense that my brain doesn't get to pick. I can't adapt to a situation. It's always going to be square peg - round hole or round peg - round hole. No in between is what I get from my reading. It's like a form of fate, which makes me uneasy because I want to control my own life. I don't want to think that I'm just an observer in a fleshy man chair.
[NOTE: there was more to this post originally, but it got eaten by the internets, so I wrote the paragraph below the next morning]
The whole think smacks of "no choice" and "no control" in the sense that my brain doesn't get to pick. I can't adapt to a situation. It's always going to be square peg - round hole or round peg - round hole. No in between is what I get from my reading. It's like a form of fate, which makes me uneasy because I want to control my own life. I don't want to think that I'm just an observer in a fleshy man chair.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Josh Went to Breakfast
Josh went to breakfast with a girl named Mollie this morning. It's rewarding to see him step out of his comfort zone. This was his end of the bargain. My end was asking Amy to join me for dinner. Where we both go from here is up to us.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"It's Working Like Gangbusters"
The saying is from Eteranl Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and has no bearing on this post, I just wanted to say it because it's been a long day.
I cried at work today, in front of my boss, Adam. Part of it is that TiVo is one of our customers, and suddenly I had to make a bunch of changes I promised for Monday next week. The change in priority came from jesper who comitted the work without asking the person doing the work (me). It's total bull shit that happened because they're buddies.
Back in developer land, we've been trying to get a release out the door. The main feature holding up the show is the one with my name on it. Which blows because the real reason is that I had enough time to do it if I had the informaiton at the beginning of the release. Instead I got the info at the end, some still pending today as I type this. But who is doing the work? The engineers. Will people think "Oh well certainly the people doing the work aren't the reason the work didn't get done."? Hell no.
So everything I'm working on is in fire drill mode and looks like a big steamy failure. Tonight I didn't even have the option to skip out on Nikki's birthday, and tomorrow I have to cancel my kiteboarding group meetup. So it's cutting into my personal life, and it's no wonder I broke down today.
I cried at work today, in front of my boss, Adam. Part of it is that TiVo is one of our customers, and suddenly I had to make a bunch of changes I promised for Monday next week. The change in priority came from jesper who comitted the work without asking the person doing the work (me). It's total bull shit that happened because they're buddies.
Back in developer land, we've been trying to get a release out the door. The main feature holding up the show is the one with my name on it. Which blows because the real reason is that I had enough time to do it if I had the informaiton at the beginning of the release. Instead I got the info at the end, some still pending today as I type this. But who is doing the work? The engineers. Will people think "Oh well certainly the people doing the work aren't the reason the work didn't get done."? Hell no.
So everything I'm working on is in fire drill mode and looks like a big steamy failure. Tonight I didn't even have the option to skip out on Nikki's birthday, and tomorrow I have to cancel my kiteboarding group meetup. So it's cutting into my personal life, and it's no wonder I broke down today.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Amy Meyer
12:32am text message from Amy Meyer: "i concur"
It was in response to my previous blog about our escapades of late. But no one says "i concur" but the RCF fencers, Josh and I mostly. Everything about her feels like that - it clicks. We can talk about anything and everything. She's full of life and happy. She's new to the city, so we share that. We met at Euchre night. She grew up in East Lansing and went to college at Arizona State. Now San Francisco is "cold" to her and she doesn't see herself staying more than a year. But in the meantime she's living with her sister in the Haight, but will soon be moving in with her other sister (and her partner and their son) in outer Mission.
She's gorgeous. And she shakes her head when she says something that makes it just a little more sexy than it needed to be. Se came from a fairly religious background, and admits that being a democrat is the only thing that separates her from being her mother. Amy taught in Costa Rico for a year (where she dated a student) teaching English as a second language - big points for being an English teacher in a way. She's also a psych major, like my mom was.
She also says she can cook really well. Basically, if I had a checklist of the perfect future Mrs. Will Read, so far the only empty boxes are brunette (which she says she has mousy brown hair, but it's blond right now) and same age (she's 24, same as Jon). I enjoy every moment I'm with her and I forget about everything bad that may be going on (job stress, paper cut, the whole nine yards). And I long for the next time I get to see her again.
She has my sweater now. I always think it's a good sign when a lady steals your clothes. And things are going slow if they're going that direction. I like it - "friends first" kinda. I hope she feels the same way about me, that I do about her.
It was in response to my previous blog about our escapades of late. But no one says "i concur" but the RCF fencers, Josh and I mostly. Everything about her feels like that - it clicks. We can talk about anything and everything. She's full of life and happy. She's new to the city, so we share that. We met at Euchre night. She grew up in East Lansing and went to college at Arizona State. Now San Francisco is "cold" to her and she doesn't see herself staying more than a year. But in the meantime she's living with her sister in the Haight, but will soon be moving in with her other sister (and her partner and their son) in outer Mission.
She's gorgeous. And she shakes her head when she says something that makes it just a little more sexy than it needed to be. Se came from a fairly religious background, and admits that being a democrat is the only thing that separates her from being her mother. Amy taught in Costa Rico for a year (where she dated a student) teaching English as a second language - big points for being an English teacher in a way. She's also a psych major, like my mom was.
She also says she can cook really well. Basically, if I had a checklist of the perfect future Mrs. Will Read, so far the only empty boxes are brunette (which she says she has mousy brown hair, but it's blond right now) and same age (she's 24, same as Jon). I enjoy every moment I'm with her and I forget about everything bad that may be going on (job stress, paper cut, the whole nine yards). And I long for the next time I get to see her again.
She has my sweater now. I always think it's a good sign when a lady steals your clothes. And things are going slow if they're going that direction. I like it - "friends first" kinda. I hope she feels the same way about me, that I do about her.
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