"Brain Fart"

I wonder if I'll say things like "brain fart" when I'm 40. I would say many of my peers already have eliminated "childish" vocabulary from their diction, but as we know, I am a different beast. Inside me is a little adult, desperately trying to assert his responsibility in the grown-up world, but still entirely too youthful to put away fun activities and phrases.

I am an Idiot

Amongst other reasons tied to my Sacramento SNAFU that have yet to play out, I am a dumb ass. I brought my laptop on the train. No, it didn't get stolen. I did intend to use it, to write a blog and just bask in having phone-tethered-internet-everywhere glory.

The train pulls in to the station at 11:20, just a few minutes behind schedule, and I climb on board. People say "climb", but really it is just a step. No one says, "I stepped on board the train." Why is that? Anyway, I start looking for a seat and it is worse than the movies. All the chunks of seats are either two people or four, and everyone needs their bag to have a seat as well. I'm walking down the isle and I spot a four seater with the nice table for my laptop, so I give it a good look.

While no one is present, clearly someone is sitting here. I judge from the flowery tweed glasses case it's probably an elderly woman. There's also some notes an a pencil, but not much else to indicate anyone else is sitting there. So I unpack my laptop, plug in, and settle in.

About this time I look up and notice that there's not one, but two tickets above this nook, she must have a companion with her. I pause, I contemplate if I should move, and I conclude that two people do not require four seats, surely there'd be room for me and my laptop.

When the ladies return they're quick to inform me that I'm sorely mistaken. "You see we're playing a card game, and well we need the entire table." I'm sure that I looked at her, looked at the enormous table, and looked back at her with an incredulous stare. She wasn't giving me an opening. I debated the merits of making a scene. One of two things were likely to happen, either a) I pis her and her friend off, but they let me sit down anyway, and I have to sit with people who hate me to save face, or b) I simply embarrass two old ladies who just want to play cards on a train.

I opted for plan c) "I understand, I can move if you'll just unplug that cord for me... thank you." And I went and sat down next to the hottest girl in the car. She starts up a conversation after I get the ok to sit by asking if those old ladies kicked me out. I sheepishly replied yes, made a few more exchanges, then proceeded to put on my headphones and watch a movie. THIS is why I'm an idiot.

My daily commute looks like this

Irish Confidence

Every March 17th I get to be anybody. It's better than Halloween because I always have the best costume. In past years it has been a blinking bow tie and green suspenders. This year it was a nice green vest and a bright orange hat. The clothes serve two purposes.

1. Attract attention. Even if it's dudes, you look like you're having more fun when there's a crowd around you and you're cheersing the hell out of the night. 
2. Create a "weakness" that I then overcompensate for.

 If you're wearing a bright orange hat, you are not the best looking guy in the bar, period. But, the hat can get you a 'hey, nice hat' and I've found that when I know I look ridiculous, I can carry that conversation on as long as I want to. It's weird, I could dress normally, but I'd be way less confident. Almost like the hat was just enough distraction that I felt safe.

So this happens every St. Patrick's Day - I become the guy I really ought to be 100% of the time. I'm funny, I stand up straight, I look at myself in the mirror and smile, I speak my mind, I listen and play off what she says. I am irresistible, or more so than on any other Wednesday. I stop being the wall flower, and I stop questioning my actions or what she's thinking. I move on easily if I get the sense that I'm not holding her attention and I find someone new. Things that I make to be a huge deal in my head most days are insignificant. Magically, I stop second guessing myself.

What I want to figure out is how to make every St. Patrick's Day. I could be a non-assassinated  version of JFK with that kind charisma. I know it is in me, I just have to stop being afraid.

And like past St. Patty's Days, this one worked out really well for me. I met a really cute girl who ended up buying me a really special beer originally made by some Belgian monks and we had a lot of fun. I also managed to wake up feeling tired, but ok, and work was pretty breezy. The weather in SF has been amazing as of this week to boot.

While a "Luck Dragon" Seems Handy

It didn't help out "The Neverending Story" very much. Zing!

Comedy Will Make an Adult of Me Yet

I went to the SFCC's Frisco Sunday Night Jam. They do the short form games, and long form, then open it up to the audience to get on stage and try it out for themselves. In thinking about last week's performance along with some jokes tonight about local places/events I realized that there are plenty of easy laughs if I just read the news.

I have my blogs and tech sources that keep me up to date about stuff I'm interested in. But the audience doesn't care that there's new hardware coming down the pipeline in five years. They care about what's playing in theaters right now, what changes the city is making, and what's going on with the national budget. To be highly effective at what I want to do, I'll have to grow in areas that I've been trying to avoid. I'll start by subscribing to the NY Times, and eventually I'll probably have to round it off with a lot of geography and immersion into other cultures.

Next improv class starts Tuesday!

The Genius of Stan Lee

Women as a whole loathe spiders. I don't really know why. To me, bees are much more frightening (a la "I'm covered in beees!!!!). Put a spider in a room and girls will want to be any where else. Similarly, geeky guys who wear glasses, enjoy genetics and chemistry and physics, have much the same effect on those of the female persuasion.

Spiderman however, has great success. Take a nerd, give him the power to climb walls and sling web, and suddenly they're putty in his hands. We can prove this scientifically, because when Peter Parker takes off the mask and starts acting like a powerless human being, he gets the same reaction that all men of science get (sorry Jeff Goldblum, this applies to you too). Yet, we see that as soon as he reveals his spider-like abilities to a prospect, the panties fly off.

Would you like to make out with me?
Eww! No! Get away dork-face (they still say this well in to their late twenties)

Would you like to make out with me while I hang upside down despite the downpour of rain?
Oh hell yes! Give me some of that sweet spider-lovin'!

I rest my case.

Alice in Wonderland

Despite the played out relationship that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have, I went to see Alice in Wonderland tonight. After which, I have but two comments: 1) the March Hare and the monkeys are hilarious, and 2) the subtitle for this movie should have been "We'll Poke Your Eye Out". Go see it! (Pun intended)

Smoking doesn't make you cool

But it can be a thing to do in the park.

Camels, Condors, and Comedy!

Monday was the graduation show for my improv comedy class. Thanks to everyone who wished me well and/or broken legs. A big thanks to the people who made it out to the show. It was a lot easier being on stage knowing that there was support in the crowd. I did, in fact, graduate and I signed up for the second level class, which begins next Tuesday. So if you missed this show, you can catch the next one five weeks from today. Extra big shout out to Lara for recording most of the show - she had to fight off laughter and arms falling asleep and had a battle royal getting the disc door to open. I'll be getting clips on the lazyriver (internet) as soon as I figure out a way to read these tiny discs (damn you slot load!!!!!)

The class was great, and I would highly recommend the SFCC to anyone who wants to get into comedy. The instructors do a great job of keeping morale high and giving you just the right kind of feedback that helps you grow and learn. The people in my class totally rocked it and I'm looking forward to playing with them in Tuesday Company.

Will this be a new career path? Doubtful. Will I have fun doing it? Oh hell yes. Does it remind me to get excited about life? Certainly. Will it bleed in to all that I do? I hope so.