I'll be 29 this month. I don't so much worry about being old as I do being... well, single. I feel like my two years here in San Francisco has been a huge sink hole as far as dating goes. In the mean time I have mastered the art of convincing women that they are not romantically interested in me, but instead want to be my friend. Don't get me wrong, friends are great.
The biggest thing I can point a finger at is my own confidence. As I've discussed before, I'm pretty shameless, but it isn't the same as being confident. I feel like this is also the explanation for the gap I feel between the comedic, youthful, and responsible individual I am, and my desire to be "an adult".
This gap, I'm afraid to face it. I know I was confident in myself when I was in high school. I knew who I was and I was very comfortable in my skin. Somewhere in there, I lost my skin, and my self-perception hasn't caught up - so I'm unsure. There are other things I'm afraid of too.
I'm afraid to do stand up, not because I might fail, but because I might succeed. And then I would have to answer the question of "Why was I doing other things all my life?" Similarly I'm afraid to get involved at church, because I've come close to considering a life as a minister, and I don't know how to resolve that identity with who I see myself to be today. I'm afraid to go to Italy because I might find that special someone there and find myself making a choice between the USA and love.
All of this sounds ridiculous when I type it out, but this is what Will Read deals with as a non-trivial part of his life. I won't be told it is silly, I'm not ready to let go of my fears just yet.
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San Francisco is maybe the most ridiculous city for dating in the country. I don't think we can blame any single one thing for that, but it is disconcerning for all the single people in town. Dating in SF actually made me miss dating in Los Angeles. That's just wrong right there.
Also, I should probably stop making fun of boys. But that can't explain ALL the dating problems in San Francisco. If it can, please accept my apologies.
As for fears and success, I always like to think of a quote from How I Met Your Mother: "It's an important part of the story." Because whether something leads to something or not, (a move, a career change, comedy, etc...), it's all part of the story you will eventually tell about your life. (I know, cheesy.)
End. Novel.
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