I Started the Day With Underwear

This story that you're about to read, may or may not have been about me. It may or may not have happened today. It may or may not offend you. Let's just say, "You've been duly warned."

I went to Pivotal Labs for lunch where we had a pivot give a tech talk. It was great, you would have loved it. After the talk/lunch I was walking back to the office I'm stationed at a few blocks away. I was outside and maybe a half block from the office when I felt a fart. I was outside, no one was around so I thought "What the hay? Let 'er rip!" This was no ordinary fart though.

This fart, he didn't just exit my anus with a few poo particles to collide with your nose at a later date. No, this fart brought along the entire contents of my bowels for the ride. Now in the past I've had farts that sounded wet, or felt like they might have been more than just gas and I wondered afterwards. This one, I knew right away I had crapped my pants.

I couldn't go to the office and walk around all afternoon with wet shit in my shorts. I looked back at Pivotal thinking I might be able to change there. However, I'd have to account for my return. My apartment was only a 40 minute round trip away, I could go home and waste half the afternoon. I decided to walk a little more in my intended pre-pants-shiting direction and I saw the Metreon! They had a great public bathroom just steps away from me!

After some profuse wipage and careful shoe removal, I got my soiled boxer briefs folded up and then promptly discarded of them. I hope no homeless guys went rummaging through the garbage and thought they had landed a new pair of skivvies. I was poo free, but I knew I was out of layers. If I farted like that again I'd be walking home pantsless or with a brown stain. The rest of the day was very distracting because I was operating comando.