Inventory: Part I - Physical Stuff

• I have a washer and dryer


• A spare place to sleep (this was crucial in meeting my second girlfriend when her apartment flooded)


• A kite


• Left-handed fencing gear


• Left-handed golf clubs


• Skis


• Partial set of camping gear


• Full set of dishes and cook ware


• [Girly] beer in the fridge


• A box of random electronics


• Power tools and hand tools that let me fix most anything around the house/apartment


• Some rope


• Books I like


• Some DVDs


• A Wii


• An internet connection

If you should need to borrow or use any of these things, I'm your man.

Every Clock...

...has something that makes it tick. For me, I need to be needed. This simple statement is the very core of who I am, it is what drives my decisions, my beliefs, everything. I made the discovery while trying to convince Michelle that life was not about being independent, that it was about the relationships, about having healthy dependencies on other people because a group is stronger than the sum of its parts. She was adamant that independence was key, at which point I realized, not that I was wrong (or right), but that I was different from her in this way. Quick examination made me realize that I'm different from most people in this way.

I remember a conversation with the GD my freshman year about codependence. I thought then, and still think now that I am not codependent. I can survive on my own, but I function an order of magnitude better when I'm in a situation where I feel needed. I found another diagnosis HPD that seemed more inline with me but still off. On one hand, it mentioned needing validation, which I do seek out whether I like to admit it or not, extrovertedness (me in a nutshell), but it also pointed to a character lacking resolution - someone who changed who he or she was just to please others - and a poor sense of reality. That's not me at all. I'm stubborn, people are turned off by who I am sometimes, and it doesn't bother me in the least and I'm pretty sure me and reality are on the same page.

 But that simple phrase, "needing to be needed", explains so much. I can point to my love affair with fencing that way. I was needed to be president, I was needed to open a new club, I was needed to be a coach. And when I had taught others to coach, I was no longer needed. It explains why my friendships are so intense, and why historically they've had a limited shelf life. It explains my level of job satisfaction at both present and past places of employment. In the context of volunteering I often say "I may seem like a helpful guy, but really I just like making others happy because it makes me happy".  Everything makes sense in this context.

I know have perhaps the most valuable piece of information. My gut reaction was to "fix" it, to become less dependant on others. But I thought about how adamantly I stood by my statement that life is meant to be shared, that others are important when measuring the success of one's self, and I realized this is not something that would be easily changed.  I also looked back at the experiences I've had when my need was being met - I have done amazing things, been an amazing person, a person I'm proud to say I know I have in me. So I think I should keep it, and find a productive way to feel needed at work, in my friendships, and in my romantic life, and be the best person I've ever seen me be. Next step: Inventory of what I have to offer that someone else might need.

Hiarcut

I went to a salon and paid the most I've ever paid for a haircut, but I think I got exactly what I asked for. It's still just as long on top, but way short on the sides so my hair kind of falls over on the sides and back. It feels very weird, and the new look is growing on me. Pictures to follow. Matt and Lauren are visiting and we're having a kick ads time eating some Za and playing games.

Re-energized

I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I feel better about work after today. Maybe it was riding the cable car to work after getting an extra hour of sleep. Maybe it was nearing the end of my monstrosity of a project. Maybe it was talking about the new code base with a clear separation between the data, the business logic, and the presentation. Maybe it was the warm welcome of FxCop. Maybe it was the fact that it is payday, that never hurts.

And They Clapped

When the credits rolled on Batman: Dark Night I clapped too.

Just a Guy

As much as people may jib an joke about me having a big ego after an off statement here and there, I have a self-perception disparity. The things I do, I do them because in my mind "That's what any other good person in my shoes would do." I pick up an extra empty bag of popcorn on my way out of the movie theater, I taught people to fence, I befriended someone in need, I bought sandwich makings for a hungry couple, I drove across the Midwest to help a friend in need.

I did these things, and many others, not because I wanted to shine, but because I wanted to be average. But from the reactions of people, I can only judge that these are not the actions of the average man. By trying to be just another guy, I've stood out, created something exceptional. It wasn't my intent. What I think it speaks about me, it speaks volumes more about people in general - that they do not very often go above and beyond the call of duty. Sometimes they don't even listen to the call of duty.

The people I keep closest to me, they are the exceptions, the ones who do go the extra mile, who listen at 3AM when you call. They show me how to live best. They are exceptional. Me? I'm just a guy.

California Will

Will

I decided that if I was an action figure, that after the market was saturated with the standard issue Will Read with type-action, they'd have to make special Will's. This picture represents "California Will". A lot more hair, foo man chu facial hair, and comes with kite-boarding accessories. Still the same steel blue eyes and grey tuft up front.

The same, but different.

First Glass Flame working Class

There you have it, my first task in class, melt a cylinder of glass into a sphere. It took an hour and there's a crack inside where I made the glass fold over itself and it is a little lop-sided because it was still warm when I set it down in the mold.

It's tough because you can't shouldn't put your hand or tools in the flame. So you either hot seal or cold seal a stick of glass to one side. Hot seals are where both parts are hot, so the glass mixes and it holds really well, then you use the flame to cut it off when you don't need it. The cold seal is where you heat the stick and stick it on the (cold) piece. It's a weaker bond, but if you do it right it comes off clean and just a little flame polishing gives you a nice finish.

The second project was still hot when I left (class is 4 hours once a week). Another marble, this time with a mushroom inside and some decoration on the outside.  I didn't get to the decoration part, and my mushroom was tiny because of insufficient heating. If it is still there next week I'll try to finish it, otherwise I may start over.

Either way it was fun. I got burned when I grabbed hot glass. I want to do more!

Week Of Destiny!

It's my 27th birthday on July 24th! That's Thursday! Yahtzee!

AND

I start a Glass Flameworking class on Wednesday! Bingo!

AND

This weekend I get to see the newly weds, Matt & Lauren! Jackpot!

AND

Who knows what else could happen!!! (Or what other game slogans I might shout out)

Double Feature

I went to see Batman, it was sold out. So I got a ticket for Hancock. When I came out I snuck into Hell Boy 2. I think it is the first time I've stolen anything worth more than two cents.