Keep Looking for Patterns

Finding what I called "The Cycle" when dealing with feelings for former girlfriends help me break that pattern. But tonight I was thinking about the beginning of relationships. Seems like something was different when I was in college.

In high school, I had my first kiss when I was given a full week of freedom. My parents were out of town and I had to run the house, go to work, be an adult. I think having to step up in a lot of areas also helped me step up in the romance area.

My first girlfriend came out of being at college - again, more freedom, more responsibility (be an adult, but for 9 months instead of a week). Then a girl from fencing, where I was the new president. Later another fencer, where I was still the president, but taking on new tasks no president before me had done, such as going to Florida for a competition, and starting a fencing club at the local high school. And lasly, one more fencer when I was helping another college get their club off the ground. I was once again in a position where I was responsible for 30 plus people, and put in a situation that was both new and familiar all at once.

After that I moved to Cincinnati. So far everyone had been a student and the next girl was no exception. I was working my first Real Job where I was expected to be an expert. I was ready to be that expert, had been for the last four years. I wasn't just a student employee anymore and that meant that if I missed a deadline or screwed something up, lots of money was at stake for the first time and no one was there to take the fall for me or back me up.

After that everything kind of fizzled. I knew how to move around the midwest, and found myself back in Indiana. I had been running River City Fencing for several years now, so there wasn't a whole lot new to bring out new-Willness. So I made a bigger move, to San Francisco. It turns out that moving isn't enough, I'm downright good at it now.

Changed jobs out here. Not enough. Learned to kite surf. Not enough. Fencing is right out for the same reasons. SO if taking on more responsibility seems to be the key, what's next? What's next indeed.