Dear Safeway Grocery Store,

Your green light bulb shining on the could-be-greener watermelons did not fool me! I see through your clever facade!

Spitefully,
Will

This is where I live

From Naked Bike Ride 2009

I took this picture today after watching a bunch of naked people gear up (down?) for a cross-city bike ride. I live here! Where there's palm trees and blue sky, and art fairs all the time. It's kind of fantastic. Then I rode the cable car home.

Dear Chick at Buck Tavern Last Night,

Your head was down, looking at your phone. I didn't realize you weren't a dude when I asked if you were waiting in line for the men's room. Sorry.

Sincerely,
Will

Dear Fortune Cookie,

Since you did not contain a fortune at lunch today, are you still a "fortune" cookie? I feel like I got a misfortune cookie; no one wants that.

Sincerely,
Will
P.S. You were still delicious.

Dear Apple,

Good job with your new iPhone. I still want tethering though, and where's the flash ont he new sweet camera? And I need to have my phone logging it's location at all times; let's make that happen post-haste.  But I will say that stereo Bluetooth will be amazing. Maybe you guys can crank out some rockin headphones in that Apple way you like to do?

Cheers,
~Will

Dear English Language,

How can someone be "mostly sure"? At that point you're no longer sure, you're just kind of working off a hunch. Weak sauce.

I hate you English,
Will

Dear Phone Manufacturers,

I have the keyboard solution! Combine an iPhone with a chording keyboard and viola! Chording keyboards work by having a small set of buttons, and you press different combinations to produce various characters. In this case I'm picturing 7 keys on the side(s) of the phone. Then as I hold it, I can type away with some speed, and make use of four digits.

Pluses: No bulky physical keyboard adding thickness/weight to my phone. There's also no software keyboard cutting into my screen real estate. Besides, I can't get 10 fingers on that tiny thing anyway, really I'm typing with my thumbs, so screw it. Really it's the 10 fingers that make a full keyboard useful. This way, I an hold the phone and type one handed. Brilliant.

Drawback: I'd have to learn how to "chord". But whatever, there's a whole slew of business folk out there who learned Palm's "Graffiti". Just teach us how to use it with a clever app, and we'll figure out the rest.

Sincerely,
Will

P.S. If anyone makes one, I call dibs. If no one makes one, does anyone know who does custom phone mods?

Dear Beef,

I'm glad there are vegitarians. That leaves more of you for me.

Sincerely,
Will

P.S. Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? *bite*

Dear Australia,

Why do almost all of the marsupials live there? More importantly, how come we got shafted with the opossum?

Sincerely,
Will-went-to-the-zoo-Sunday-Read

Dear Emily,

Thanks for appreciating my cooking dinner for you, and pancakes, and the zoo. Not all women do. Some even go so far to tell me that it's too much too soon. I think they just hate monkeys and a meal prepared with an intent to please.

Sincerely,
Will