You Can't Buy This at the Grocery Store

What you've missed:

• New job at Stageit as head of engineering
• Moved to LA
• New girlfriend, who will be moving in with me in a month
• New car
• Car got broken in to and phone stolen
• New phone
• A sense of being very far from my friends

I miss Lara and Ian. I miss the peeps from euchre, CJ, Amy, Cathy, Jane, Miles, Greg, and Heidi. I miss knowing a city. I don't miss feeling lost like I did two years ago, I do feel like I've got a direction that works for now. I also continue to impress myself with fluidity with which I can uproot myself, but that doesn't mean the transition isn't fun. I think about Justin and Dmitriy and wonder how they're doing back at Pivotal. I wonder what it's like to be in Alex's shoes running a team at Groupon or how the rest of the Chicago guys are doing these days - I saw Groupon bought Obtiva. I don't miss the cold summers of SF (and don't try to quote me Mark Twain before you go look that shit up), sun in LA is great. I miss the bridges and not driving - traffic sucks. To say that I regret my choice to move to LA would be incorrect. It's different being here, life is change. The only mistake I can make is to fail to adapt.

My Fear

I am afraid of snakes, You can't tell me not to be afraid of them; it's in my bones. The same way that I am afraid that I won't be enough. This applies to all parts of life. Afraid I won't be enough as a boyfriend/husband. Afraid I won't be enough as a son. Afraid I won't be enough as a father. Afraid I won't be enough as a friend. And afraid I won't be enough as a technical lead for a company.

It can be a subtle difference between needing approval, and needing someone to tell you that you give them what they need. But that is what probably makes me better than most at the things I do try to be. I am constantly preparing, improving myself, so that when the time comes, they will look at me and say, "Will Read, you are indeed ready, you have shown yourself to be worthy of all the fortunes life has put upon you. Well done."

I know that I am built to do great things, I imagine that we all are, but for me in particular I have the good fortune of also being in a position to realize my potential. I've got great family that lets me be a great son. I've got great friends, and now a great girlfriend. I've also got a great job that exposes me to all kinds of challenges, skill, and opportunities.

I once saw courage defined as "... not an absence of fear, but a willingness to act in spite of the presence of fear." I have been called courageous before - it will not be the last time.