My Religion

Given the Christmas season I've been thinking about my own faith lately. It isn't all cohesive, and parts are contradictory, but maybe by writing it down I can start to act on it.

• I do not believe in an afterlife. I believe that when I die, that will be the end - so it is my duty to make the best of the limited years I've got.
• I do not believe in a higher power or omnipotent mover. I am uncomfortable with the ideas of a preplanned destiny or predetermined fate. I do believe that some things happen because of the choices I make, and other things just happen. The truly interesting part is how I deal with those events.
• I believe in evolution. (Especially since I believe in dinosaurs)
• I believe I should always make the best decision possible given the knowledge and tools I have available at the time. In this way, I live a life without regrets.
• I believe that my "purpose" is to be happy and, more importantly, to help others find happiness. Human beings have evolved to facilitate spoken communication, written communication, and even our bodies are among the most expressive on earth. Those things are wasted if we all were to live in isolation. Humans have evolved to live together, to form families and friendships and communities.
• I believe we must work together.
• I have absolute faith in man kind as a group to do the things that are best for man kind. Individuals still need to earn my trust. And although man kind may be slower to realize its own mistakes and correct them, it does learn, and it does try. 
• It is for these reasons that I am unthreatened by conspiracy theories. Because humans need to connect, and the more they connect the more they tend to do the right thing for the group, no one person can rule mankind for very long. I believe our forefathers understood this when they created a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. 
• I believe I am "built" to do something great. It is this feeling that is both comforting and frightening all at once. 
• I believe I am a better me when I am in a loving relationship. It is different than saying I am incomplete, rather it means that by having a tangible external reason for growth, I grow faster. 
• And lastly, I believe that when I die, be it soon or late in my years, that those who attend my funeral should be able to look to each other and say, "Will Read lived a full life." That I was unchained by fear, that I said "yes" when opportunity presented itself, that I laughed, and that I loved. And while it should be true that I would accomplish more had I been given more time, no one will think that my life had not yet started - because I am always living it the best way that I see fit. 

Cable Car - Danger & Doom

This past weekend I was riding the cable car down Powell Street as I've done many times. This time it happened to be raining, and wood breaks on metal tracks only work so well in wet conditions, so we got going too fast and the conductor yells "HOLD ON!" which he does a lot of the time, like when going around a routine corner. I don't react because I hear this all the time.

He pulls the red lever. I have never been on the car when a grip man pulled the red lever up until this point.

I find myself fighting a lot of forward momentum and not a great grip to aide me. I realize that I'm going to clobber my mom in front of me, so I release my grip and let my weight carry me forward - I push out with what is left of my footing and I bend around my mom like a reed in the wind.

I take a few steps on the pavement and come to a stop. Everyone else seems to be okay as well. My mom is freaked out because those few steps are exactly where oncoming traffic could have been, I could have been  a Will-pizza right then. She was understandably concerned. Me? I was excited to have finally seen the red lever pulled because I'm a cable car nerd like that.

In other news, they're shutting down the cable cars starting January 3rd through the Summer of 2011. I might die for lack of cable car action.

Too Much of Everything

The dating scene is kinda crazy suddenly. I had three first dates lined up this week plus I'm hearing from ladies I assumed I'd never hear from again. Some say it's the cold, others say it's the holidays. Whatever it is, I've noticed.

My new "phone" is working out ok. Calls are still kind of rocky, and Google Latitude had me in the East Bay for a day and then in the North Bay for another 24 hours. But I still like the size and functionality. I'm stuck on this one level of Angry Birds though.

I recently got a pep-talk telling me to be the guy who says "yes" to opportunities. And the more I think about it, the more I think I've been saying "yes" a lot more since moving out to California. Kite surfing? Yes! Glass flame working? Yes! Work out three nights a week? Yes! Improv? Yes! Life coaching class? Yes! Learn to snowboard? Yes! Go on a bunch of first dates? Yes! Trip to Egypt? Yes! Bike to work? Yes! And in all this yes saying, I think this is where I feel like I've lost myself. Will Read plays euchre with friends. He fenced like a mo-fo. Will likes to climb artificial rock faces. He blogs a lot more than this guy has been blogging. His shoes are mismatched. He uses tools and makes stuff out of wood. He repairs houses. Where is that guy?

I'm not complaining, I've done some really cool shit in the last 2.5 years. But it's time to re-root. A few months ago when I wrote, everything around me seemed of sand. Now I feel like there's at least some soil, maybe a rock or two near by. I'm grabbing on, and my grip is mightier than ever before.