Sunday, August 15, 2010

Done With Travel for Now

I'm back from Chicago. I was out that way for a vacation with the Dickersons over the weekend and ended up getting asked to stay out there for a week at Groupon. Travel is fun, but it is good to be home. I've been missing a lot of practice with my improv troupe ReplyAll. I even missed our last show which makes me a sad panda. Right now I'm trying to man-up and convince myself I can direct an hour long show about air-travel. There's all kinds of comedy potential there, like the guy that grabbed a beer and bailed from the JetBlue plane via emergency slide.

I feel a lot of things lately. The biggest one is that I feel less lost. But it is still a somewhat scary feeling. Before it was like being in a completely dark room. Maybe the room is in Nirvana, or maybe it is in Detroit, you have no idea, so it is kind of OK. Now I've whittled a big enough hole to see where I am, and I'm a long way off from where I thought I was, but I've got a direction. The trick is that there's a strange forrest with talking trees and a fire swamp between me and that place, and I have no combat training for dealing with R.O.U.S.s.

What I mean is that I'm afraid to start because it means digging up the core of who I am and telling him to go f*** himself because he's getting in the way of who he wants to be. Like climbing a wall, sometimes you have to let go with more limbs than you'd like to get to the next hold. It is time that I stop changing things just to change them, and time that I root up and really commit to the next step - it's going to be a big one to get from here to there.

Monday, August 9, 2010

My friend from the airport

Guess he gave up waiting and opted for a stroll in the park

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Latitude Dashboard at Last!!!

They fixed ir for me!!!!  Now I can see what the goog knows about my movements! How much time I spend at work, where I like to go in the city, where I take vacations. I cannot wait!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Listen Now Ya'll It's Sabotage

Self sabotage that is. I woke up this morning and realized that since I've left Indiana I've removed myself from every position of leadership/power that has been placed in front of me. I could have been what ever I wanted to be in fencing, but instead I sold my fencing gear. I could have stuck with glass blowing and become an instructor, but I bailed on that. I once had a group that was learning to fly kites for kite surfing, but I disbanded that group, same with Wine Wednesdays. These are things I made and as soon as they looked like they were going to take off I shut them down. I even stepped down form being an organizer for the Euchre Meetup. Now I can even feel myself pulling away from some of the improv I started. It's like I'm wired to abandon success.

It is ironic that I can embrace failure, but success I can't bear to hold on to.