"Let's have a beer later in the week."
"Yeah sounds good, I'll get back to you before Friday"
*doesn't get back to me*
This and any number of situations have happened to me. Most times I find I freak out. "Well he didn't get back to me because he doesn't like me and has better things to do." The problem is that I go and stand in the other person's shoes, but I stand there as myself. "I would have gotten back to me already if I planned on going." Then I assume, something has gone horribly wrong. Really, I just need to realize, "This guy just forgot, or being prompt isn't a big deal for him, he still wants to go because he said so before." I'm learning to dispute myself this way.
I do wonder why I have to dispute myself in the first place. I really just want to get to the point where my first conclusion is rooted in reality and not in some crazy scenario I cooked up in my head. Also, I think this plays in heavily to my confidence that Lara talked about a while back.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Knowing the Strength of Happiness
Below is a story of "resilience" that I wrote for my life coaching class:
"I'm not happy here", I said. I had moved out to San Francisco in June of 2008 for a job with a small company in my field, web-based software, on a product that was meaningful to me. We were helping people make good hires at their companies, a weakness I saw at my previous employer back in Indiana. I had loved my job, but things had changed and recently there had been a lot of pressure to deliver without a lot of investment in people, resources, or time. I would come home each night feeling drained. Waking up in the morning was getting harder and harder, and I found myself taking sick days just to preserve my mental health. It wasn't enough, so in early October I was sitting down with my new boss, only five months in to my employment, and trying to find a way to turn things around.
Since Alex's (name changed) arrival, the engineers were all assigned separate projects, and overly aggressive time lines. We were of course told that we could work together if we so wished, but we were expected to deliver on time. The result was that no one collaborated, we worked mere feet from each other and it was a rare day that much more than a few sentences were exchanged. At our daily status meetings, no one got much value from each other because our work didn't overlap. No one else in the company wanted to hold meetings with us because we seemed busy, but really we were busy guessing what they wanted from the product. Production was slowing down, sales was getting frustrated, the engineers were frustrated, and it looked like it would all come crashing down if I didn't try to change things.
I knew all this, and yet I was being blocked everywhere I tried to create happiness, "Working together with people is important to me", I told Alex. I went on and explained how I tried to find job satisfaction and how every step was either actively blocked or was being hindered by policy and/or philosophy. I needed his help. I wanted to stay because I still believed in the product. Alex told me to "chill out" and to "just be happy", which certainly was not the help I was looking for. A month later with my efforts all resulting in failure and management still unwilling to help me be successful, I was out of options. I felt trapped because my long work hours kept me from looking for a job, but I also knew that living in the city without an income would be difficult at best. I turned to one of my strengths to lead me out of this desperate situation, honesty.
I wasn't going to sneak around and have everyone "know" I was looking for a job elsewhere. I wasn't going to stay there working for Alex either. In early November we met again and I got my plans out in the open, I was looking for a job, and that I planed to be gone by the month's end. It wasn't a conventional move, but to me it was the best thing to do as a professional because I feel strongly that people make better decisions with more information rather than less. I began my job search, but the end of the fiscal year and the tanking economy were working against me. At the end of November, Alex asked me for my resignation. I had not found a new job, the economy was even more in the dumps, no one was hiring, I had travel plans back to the Midwest for the holidays and did not want to show up without a job. Despite all of that, things at this company had only gotten worse, and when he asked for my resignation, I was all too happy to comply.
"Why not just keep your job a little longer, or at least fight for it?", you might ask. The answer is because inside I knew a lot about happiness and how it affects me. I knew that I was a good enough engineer that I could find a job that treated me better. I knew I was in San Francisco, one of the few cities that would continue to have tech jobs open up. Most importantly, I knew that I was stronger, both physically and emotionally when I was happy; getting out of that miserable situation might mean less money to work with, but it would also mean that I would go in to job interviews with a lot more zest and energy. It meant that when I met people at social networking events, I could greet them with enthusiasm, really engage and rally for my cause instead of being exhausted and battered by my job. That's exactly what I did.
I attended every related group meetup I could find in the city. Everyone I met got to know a lot about my skills and interests as I learned about their work environments. People had their ears to the ground for the kind of openings I was looking for, and I was going on more interviews than I ever expected. I rode my new found freedom from misery all the way through the holidays and in to early February. When I saw my family and friends for Christmas, they all felt happy and comfortable with my choice to leave my job, whereas I think they would have felt miserable on my behalf if I had explained to them I was way out in San Francisco and my job was no good for me. In February, it all came together in the form of multiple job offers, leaving me to have my pick of the lot.
A year since February 2009 I am still very happy with my new job. I found all of the things I felt I was worthy of having thanks to my willingness to face a desperate situation head on. When my attempts to improve my current situation failed, I relied on my strength of honesty. That led me out of a place of weakness, and in to a place where I could leverage my happiness to better interact with others. Those interactions ultimately resulted in a great job, and a lot more happiness for myself.
"I'm not happy here", I said. I had moved out to San Francisco in June of 2008 for a job with a small company in my field, web-based software, on a product that was meaningful to me. We were helping people make good hires at their companies, a weakness I saw at my previous employer back in Indiana. I had loved my job, but things had changed and recently there had been a lot of pressure to deliver without a lot of investment in people, resources, or time. I would come home each night feeling drained. Waking up in the morning was getting harder and harder, and I found myself taking sick days just to preserve my mental health. It wasn't enough, so in early October I was sitting down with my new boss, only five months in to my employment, and trying to find a way to turn things around.
Since Alex's (name changed) arrival, the engineers were all assigned separate projects, and overly aggressive time lines. We were of course told that we could work together if we so wished, but we were expected to deliver on time. The result was that no one collaborated, we worked mere feet from each other and it was a rare day that much more than a few sentences were exchanged. At our daily status meetings, no one got much value from each other because our work didn't overlap. No one else in the company wanted to hold meetings with us because we seemed busy, but really we were busy guessing what they wanted from the product. Production was slowing down, sales was getting frustrated, the engineers were frustrated, and it looked like it would all come crashing down if I didn't try to change things.
I knew all this, and yet I was being blocked everywhere I tried to create happiness, "Working together with people is important to me", I told Alex. I went on and explained how I tried to find job satisfaction and how every step was either actively blocked or was being hindered by policy and/or philosophy. I needed his help. I wanted to stay because I still believed in the product. Alex told me to "chill out" and to "just be happy", which certainly was not the help I was looking for. A month later with my efforts all resulting in failure and management still unwilling to help me be successful, I was out of options. I felt trapped because my long work hours kept me from looking for a job, but I also knew that living in the city without an income would be difficult at best. I turned to one of my strengths to lead me out of this desperate situation, honesty.
I wasn't going to sneak around and have everyone "know" I was looking for a job elsewhere. I wasn't going to stay there working for Alex either. In early November we met again and I got my plans out in the open, I was looking for a job, and that I planed to be gone by the month's end. It wasn't a conventional move, but to me it was the best thing to do as a professional because I feel strongly that people make better decisions with more information rather than less. I began my job search, but the end of the fiscal year and the tanking economy were working against me. At the end of November, Alex asked me for my resignation. I had not found a new job, the economy was even more in the dumps, no one was hiring, I had travel plans back to the Midwest for the holidays and did not want to show up without a job. Despite all of that, things at this company had only gotten worse, and when he asked for my resignation, I was all too happy to comply.
"Why not just keep your job a little longer, or at least fight for it?", you might ask. The answer is because inside I knew a lot about happiness and how it affects me. I knew that I was a good enough engineer that I could find a job that treated me better. I knew I was in San Francisco, one of the few cities that would continue to have tech jobs open up. Most importantly, I knew that I was stronger, both physically and emotionally when I was happy; getting out of that miserable situation might mean less money to work with, but it would also mean that I would go in to job interviews with a lot more zest and energy. It meant that when I met people at social networking events, I could greet them with enthusiasm, really engage and rally for my cause instead of being exhausted and battered by my job. That's exactly what I did.
I attended every related group meetup I could find in the city. Everyone I met got to know a lot about my skills and interests as I learned about their work environments. People had their ears to the ground for the kind of openings I was looking for, and I was going on more interviews than I ever expected. I rode my new found freedom from misery all the way through the holidays and in to early February. When I saw my family and friends for Christmas, they all felt happy and comfortable with my choice to leave my job, whereas I think they would have felt miserable on my behalf if I had explained to them I was way out in San Francisco and my job was no good for me. In February, it all came together in the form of multiple job offers, leaving me to have my pick of the lot.
A year since February 2009 I am still very happy with my new job. I found all of the things I felt I was worthy of having thanks to my willingness to face a desperate situation head on. When my attempts to improve my current situation failed, I relied on my strength of honesty. That led me out of a place of weakness, and in to a place where I could leverage my happiness to better interact with others. Those interactions ultimately resulted in a great job, and a lot more happiness for myself.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Everyone is an Old Friend
In improv, you can wreck a scene by asking a question. The point is that you take what someone else is doing and add to it. In our first class, they said improv is like having a conversation. What they left out is that you're talking to an old friend, not someone new. When you meet someone new, you ask a lot of questions, you have little to make assumptions off of at the risk of seeming like an ass hole. The trick is to treat this new person on the stage with you as if you've know him since high school, and you know he likes banjos and hates blue particles.
Taking it outside of class, some of the better first dates or friend introductions have been when people build the conversation making statements, instead of the usual question answer game of catch. The only difference is that in improv you are expected to be someone else, some other character that you can displace some of the ass holiness on to. In real life, you run that risk, but when it pays off, it pays off big I think. This next week I'm going to make it a point when I meet new people to change the conversation from a Q & A session to a series of statements, and see how it pans out.
Taking it outside of class, some of the better first dates or friend introductions have been when people build the conversation making statements, instead of the usual question answer game of catch. The only difference is that in improv you are expected to be someone else, some other character that you can displace some of the ass holiness on to. In real life, you run that risk, but when it pays off, it pays off big I think. This next week I'm going to make it a point when I meet new people to change the conversation from a Q & A session to a series of statements, and see how it pans out.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
What's all the Buzz About
Yadda yadda yadda. Go read all the other blogs that have already said what I'd say and more. I just want to know if this will cross post to Buzz automatically. If so, I'm off of WordPress and on to Blogger asap
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Twitter Realization
After last Tea Time things came together in a new way for me. Hearing Ev speak and putting together some of the smaller things that Twitter does, it really strives to be a personalized news network. This means Twitter is a lot more like me turning on the TV to watch the local news and the reporters telling me only the news that is interesting to me - "News of the future" in a way. I see this expressed in the terminology like "Follow" vs. "Friend".
Prior to Friday, I did see Twitter as another social network. But if you treat it like a news company, Facebook is not the main competitor. I also don't think that you could say traditional news networks are "competition" because at 140 characters, Twitter is content-poor and relies on 3rd party sites to provide content. In that case, their growing integration with CNN makes more and more sense.
Conclusion: Facebook is for friends, but get your news on at http://twitter.com
Prior to Friday, I did see Twitter as another social network. But if you treat it like a news company, Facebook is not the main competitor. I also don't think that you could say traditional news networks are "competition" because at 140 characters, Twitter is content-poor and relies on 3rd party sites to provide content. In that case, their growing integration with CNN makes more and more sense.
Conclusion: Facebook is for friends, but get your news on at http://twitter.com
Saturday, February 6, 2010
I Want to Understand
Why do people take their work home with them? I get it that you're showing "ambition" and that "more" is getting done. But aren't you really just burning yourself out? I like working at Pivotal Labs because the people there don't take their work home, they take their skills home. My coworkers lead rich, fulfilling lives outside the 9-6 day. You can tell this is true when you meet their wives, or their children. These people have awesome family relationships. They also do a lot of other fun things, biking, hiking, improv comedy, side projects that people outside the company can use, dancing, political activism, and on and on.
Conversely, the people I've worked with in the past who do take their work home come in and talk about the reality TV show they caught last night. They don't bring their wives out to social events, and you get the impression things are a little rocky. Before too long, those people start looking drained of life. This may work if you're a solo act at work, but what if you're a part of a team? Every day you have to sync up with the rest of the team. Stuff gets done that the rest of the team had no say in doing.
Despite the list of consequences I could make here, it really just comes down to "Why?". Why would you pick work over anything else - personal health, relationships, fun? There's a saying that no one on his death bed ever said, "If only I had worked more...". People wish they had spent more time with family and friends and living life. I just don't get it.
Conversely, the people I've worked with in the past who do take their work home come in and talk about the reality TV show they caught last night. They don't bring their wives out to social events, and you get the impression things are a little rocky. Before too long, those people start looking drained of life. This may work if you're a solo act at work, but what if you're a part of a team? Every day you have to sync up with the rest of the team. Stuff gets done that the rest of the team had no say in doing.
Despite the list of consequences I could make here, it really just comes down to "Why?". Why would you pick work over anything else - personal health, relationships, fun? There's a saying that no one on his death bed ever said, "If only I had worked more...". People wish they had spent more time with family and friends and living life. I just don't get it.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Starting Monday: I'm an Improv Comedian in Training
As a part of my class in life coaching at San Francisco State University, I was encouraged to focus on one of my strengths, and do something new with it. The strength I always keep handy is humor and playfulness. I use it readily to meet new people, to diffuse tense situations, and to get a warm feeling inside by making others smile. Starting Monday, I'll be starting down a path to become an improv comedian.
Classes are being held by the San Francisco Comedy College. The improv troupe is called "Frisco" poking fun at all the people who say "Don't call it 'Frisco'". Yeah they're talking about you. Monday nights for 5 weeks. I think this is right up my alley for tons of reasons, but some of the key points are:
So 'Frisco it is. http://www.sfcomedycollege.com/ Mark your calendars for Monday March 8th at 6:30pm where I'll be performing!
Classes are being held by the San Francisco Comedy College. The improv troupe is called "Frisco" poking fun at all the people who say "Don't call it 'Frisco'". Yeah they're talking about you. Monday nights for 5 weeks. I think this is right up my alley for tons of reasons, but some of the key points are:
- Gets me on stage. I like being a point of attention
- I won't be the only one on stage, I don't like being the center of attention
- Conversational humor! I never thought I'd be good at stand up and essentially talking alone, I always wanted a routine where I had someone to talk to and play off of. This is exactly that.
- Nothing like having an audience and being a pseudo-celebrity to get you meeting new people.
So 'Frisco it is. http://www.sfcomedycollege.com/ Mark your calendars for Monday March 8th at 6:30pm where I'll be performing!
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