My Religion

Given the Christmas season I've been thinking about my own faith lately. It isn't all cohesive, and parts are contradictory, but maybe by writing it down I can start to act on it.

• I do not believe in an afterlife. I believe that when I die, that will be the end - so it is my duty to make the best of the limited years I've got.
• I do not believe in a higher power or omnipotent mover. I am uncomfortable with the ideas of a preplanned destiny or predetermined fate. I do believe that some things happen because of the choices I make, and other things just happen. The truly interesting part is how I deal with those events.
• I believe in evolution. (Especially since I believe in dinosaurs)
• I believe I should always make the best decision possible given the knowledge and tools I have available at the time. In this way, I live a life without regrets.
• I believe that my "purpose" is to be happy and, more importantly, to help others find happiness. Human beings have evolved to facilitate spoken communication, written communication, and even our bodies are among the most expressive on earth. Those things are wasted if we all were to live in isolation. Humans have evolved to live together, to form families and friendships and communities.
• I believe we must work together.
• I have absolute faith in man kind as a group to do the things that are best for man kind. Individuals still need to earn my trust. And although man kind may be slower to realize its own mistakes and correct them, it does learn, and it does try. 
• It is for these reasons that I am unthreatened by conspiracy theories. Because humans need to connect, and the more they connect the more they tend to do the right thing for the group, no one person can rule mankind for very long. I believe our forefathers understood this when they created a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. 
• I believe I am "built" to do something great. It is this feeling that is both comforting and frightening all at once. 
• I believe I am a better me when I am in a loving relationship. It is different than saying I am incomplete, rather it means that by having a tangible external reason for growth, I grow faster. 
• And lastly, I believe that when I die, be it soon or late in my years, that those who attend my funeral should be able to look to each other and say, "Will Read lived a full life." That I was unchained by fear, that I said "yes" when opportunity presented itself, that I laughed, and that I loved. And while it should be true that I would accomplish more had I been given more time, no one will think that my life had not yet started - because I am always living it the best way that I see fit. 

Cable Car - Danger & Doom

This past weekend I was riding the cable car down Powell Street as I've done many times. This time it happened to be raining, and wood breaks on metal tracks only work so well in wet conditions, so we got going too fast and the conductor yells "HOLD ON!" which he does a lot of the time, like when going around a routine corner. I don't react because I hear this all the time.

He pulls the red lever. I have never been on the car when a grip man pulled the red lever up until this point.

I find myself fighting a lot of forward momentum and not a great grip to aide me. I realize that I'm going to clobber my mom in front of me, so I release my grip and let my weight carry me forward - I push out with what is left of my footing and I bend around my mom like a reed in the wind.

I take a few steps on the pavement and come to a stop. Everyone else seems to be okay as well. My mom is freaked out because those few steps are exactly where oncoming traffic could have been, I could have been  a Will-pizza right then. She was understandably concerned. Me? I was excited to have finally seen the red lever pulled because I'm a cable car nerd like that.

In other news, they're shutting down the cable cars starting January 3rd through the Summer of 2011. I might die for lack of cable car action.

Too Much of Everything

The dating scene is kinda crazy suddenly. I had three first dates lined up this week plus I'm hearing from ladies I assumed I'd never hear from again. Some say it's the cold, others say it's the holidays. Whatever it is, I've noticed.

My new "phone" is working out ok. Calls are still kind of rocky, and Google Latitude had me in the East Bay for a day and then in the North Bay for another 24 hours. But I still like the size and functionality. I'm stuck on this one level of Angry Birds though.

I recently got a pep-talk telling me to be the guy who says "yes" to opportunities. And the more I think about it, the more I think I've been saying "yes" a lot more since moving out to California. Kite surfing? Yes! Glass flame working? Yes! Work out three nights a week? Yes! Improv? Yes! Life coaching class? Yes! Learn to snowboard? Yes! Go on a bunch of first dates? Yes! Trip to Egypt? Yes! Bike to work? Yes! And in all this yes saying, I think this is where I feel like I've lost myself. Will Read plays euchre with friends. He fenced like a mo-fo. Will likes to climb artificial rock faces. He blogs a lot more than this guy has been blogging. His shoes are mismatched. He uses tools and makes stuff out of wood. He repairs houses. Where is that guy?

I'm not complaining, I've done some really cool shit in the last 2.5 years. But it's time to re-root. A few months ago when I wrote, everything around me seemed of sand. Now I feel like there's at least some soil, maybe a rock or two near by. I'm grabbing on, and my grip is mightier than ever before.

Big Ass New Phone

I'm writing to you from a new Galaxy Tab from Samsung! It's a seven inch tablet with the android os running on it. Think big iphone or small ipad.here is the kicker: no voice plan! Yep, that's right. So how do I plan to make and get calls? Well, for starters, lets understand that on average I make 10 calls a month, most about a minute long. And I get about 5 calls a month, same length. So usage is low to begin with. BUT fear not, I'm not off the grid yet. Great products like Google Voice will enable me to keep the same great (415) 894-9455 number you've been not-calling me on for years. And to place those calls, I'll be using Skype, paying 2.3 cents per minute outbound and $6/month to have a number for Google Voice to forward to. In the coming Android OS releases (Gingerbread and Honeycomb) I expect I'll be able to drop the Skype component and just roll with my dainty data plan that only sets me back $30/month. So all told, I've got all this cool stuff in one device:

• Portability - I can stick it on a big pocket and carry it everywhere without the need for a man-purse
• Cheap monthly plan
• Big screen for reading news, comics, websites, etc.
• Flash support, for watching all the YouTube on the go that I can stand
• Front-facing camera and flash camera on the back that also takes movies
• Alarm clock
• Bluetooth - so I can use a headset (you don't really want to hold a thing this big up to your head)
• Tight Google integration, where my life is stored anyway (Docs, Calendar, Contacts, Email, etc)
• Awesome Google Latitude, so you won't have hours of blackouts in finding out where I am. This thing seems to log every minute when I'm mobile. 
• All the apps and games I loved back on the iPhone
• Built in GPS with turn by turn directions
• In a word, everything

This is the device I wanted when I left for college in 1999. One thing that does it all. Now it is in my hands. I love the future!

Dream Tech

Welcome to the Samsung Galaxy Tab (http://samsung.com/GalaxyTab)! A 7" Android tablet with Froyo, meaning Flash works. It's a $30/month plan for 2 GB of data + texting, no voice plan. I made five one minute calls last month, and only got ten calls in. I don't use the voice. But 7" is a great size for a portable - big enough to type and get around the web reasonably, small enough that it'll still fit in a big pocket (or a purse for the ladies). That dumb iPad you have has to stay at home or ride in a bag.

I don't have to ditch voice completely. Google Voice should work as a phone number for people to call. I should be able to call out from it too, and use Skype as needed. I can also do video calls from this thing with Qik out of the box.

Back to the point, this is an all-in-wonder for reals.

• TV? via Hulu, check
• Movies? Check (plus Netflix app on the way)
• Alarm Clock? Check
• GPS w/ turn by turn? Check
• Compass? Check
• Calendar? Check
• Email? Check
• Music? Check
• Radio? via Pandora, Check
• Documents? Check
• Games? Check
• Output to HDMI? Check
• Camera? Double check
• Record video? Also check

I'm already down to an iPhone, MacBook, TV, and a Wii (that hasn't been turned on in months). If I can get a good version of Vim (or if someone wanted to make an Android version of RubyMine, hint hint) I might be able to ditch the laptop too. The future arrives November 14th!!!

Angry and Alone

I'm worked up about work. It's always a mixed bag in my mind when I get this frustrated because on one hand it means I care, but on the other hand I have the rage because things aren't as awesome as they should be. I realized it is also weird because I can be happy with where I work and displeased with work all at once due to the nature of being a consultant.

Earlier a friend asked me why people don't want to do the right thing at work. I had a lot of strategies for dealing with it, but didn't really answer her question. I think the real reason is that people like me, like my friend, we have this knowledge that work, life, everything can be better. I do not believe everyone has that inside of them. As if some people have already arrived at the destination, and now they're just standing at the baggage claim carousel of life.

It is a curse of sorts - knowing. I long for complacency at times. To be able to say "it is good enough" and never need to add "for now" to the end of that statement.

And it is that way with my dating life too. Right now I just want someone I can nudge awake, and talk it out with. Someone who will have context of my life and understand my frustration. But there is no one, just a big dent on the half of the bed I always sleep on and these few typed characters in the cloud. It's not that I need a friend, or to wake up my parents. I want a peer, an equal, someone to face life with head on.

Blogging Less

I'm blogging less these days. Historically that's gone hand in hand with having a girlfriend. However, no girlfriend do I have. I think that means I'm talking to people more, and keeping less inside these days. Interesting.

Will Read: Unlimited

In a similar vein as the sentiment behind "The Summer of Matt", I hereby dub this period of my life "Will Read: Unlimited". You see, I spent the first 29 years of my life figuring out who I am. I did a really good job. I know exactly what makes me comfortable, how to play to my strong suit, and how to roll with the punches. I learned how to be a good moderator, how to never piss off anyone, and how to stop when it hurts.

What I was really learning was my limitations. Some are real, like I'm 5'9". Some are in my head, such as being unable to play a musical instrument. I use to lean pretty hard on my own walls when I didn't know where they were. I failed a lot more back then. And while I don't fail so much these days, I also don't really ever feel like I succeed either - at least not the same way as when you put it on the line and come out on top.

Going forward, my life will be about challenging those limitations that aren't real. I had previously resigned to a life as a skinny punk because it was the path of least resistance. But yet eating right and the right kind of exercise can flip that assumption on its ass; it'll just take more time and money than I've put in to it before. That's what this new period is about, pouring resources in to doing the things that I didn't think I was good enough to do. My name is Will Read. I am good enough to do anything.

Gravity

This week I joined a gym. It is going to stick with me for a handful of reasons:

• It is literally right next to work, no reason not to go
• A bunch of coworkers and Twitter employees go there, instant work out buddies
• I signed up for a trainer
• I also signed up for a nutritionist

Today was my first day with my trainer, Karen. She's got a good grasp of what I want which is to gain some weight. For too long I've been thinking "I don't even fill out a small t-shirt", or I feel bad when someone pokes me in the ribs and hurts her finger. So I just want some meat on my bones. Right now I weigh 132 lbs, 125 of which is "lean mass", and 7 lbs of fat according to a 7-pinch test. That means I'm just as lean as ground round baby!

At the gym today I also learned that I can bench 50 lbs without too much of a struggle. I know how to perform a proper squat. I now know the difference between a press and a push. And I know that i need to start ingesting a lot more protein (no cracks about living in SF, please... I already thought of them all). The hardest part thus far is that I've been told to cut out the Coke. I love me some Coke. So I guess this is goodbye sweet syrupy goodness, I will miss your caffeinated ways.

My personal goal is to gain 25-30 lbs in the next 6-12 months. There's no event, no hard date to hit, but I want to have some gravity to me. I don't want people I'm with to worry about me just because I'm small. I don't want my grandmother to ask if I'm eating well. I want to look at myself, and look at the other dude at the bar, and know I am just as good looking as he is, but I've got personality so that cute girl is going to want to talk to me more than him. That's right good-looking-but-douche-bag dude, Will Read is gunning for you.

I Made Today be a Waste

I woke up late after being out till 4am at the hackathon. Went back to said hackathon hoping to catch some people, no one was there. I must have missed the schedule that said where the presentations were being held. So I was all alone.

Then I headed over to Endgames Productions practice, only to find out it was canceled. Apparently I suck at communication and instead of conveying that my weekends were booked, I communicated "I need a break from improv". So I was taken off the email list that would have told me practice was canceled.

Now it is hot and I can't sleep. At least the heat is outside of my control.

Noteworthy - Leaving Reply All

I left my first improv troupe, Reply All, on Tuesday. The funny parts are fun, but despite being low drama content, the off-stage stuff wasn't what I wanted from my improv troupe. I want some drive. I want a troupe that fights for gigs. I want a clear decision making process, not a weird mix of democracy and oligarchy. I want to feel valued when I have feedback and not ostracized. If I have an opinion, I want it to count more than a red vote in a blue state. If I don't have a voice, that's fine too, but I need to know where I stand, and I had none of that in Reply All. What kills me most about leaving is that they'll go on to be funny and they'll keep doing great shows without me. They may even pull it together and organize all the things I felt I was missing in the troupe. Who knows?!?! I do know that if I had stayed much longer I would have come to loathe practice and I would have been poison to the rest of the group.

Lame Blog is Lame

It's been almost a month since I last blogged. I've been to Chicago another time, and now I'm working on Groupon's API. What's an API? Well it's the glue that makes the app on your iPhone hook in to the website so you can buy stuff from your handheld. It's good work.

Comedy is also blowing up. I'm in a second group called Endgames Productions. We performed last Friday for the Hunter's Point Yacht Club here in SF. The Dickersons even got to see my comedy finally. My parents will get to see me perform this upcoming Thursday when my original troupe, Reply All, takes the stage. I find that I'm being funnier, like how I felt about myself back in high school.

In a lot of ways I feel like there's been a bit of a reboot to when I was 19. It doesn't make sense when I type it out, and the parts that do make sense you'd probably judge me harshly if I did tell you. It's almost like I get to rewind the years I spent fencing and make a different choice, or a different set of choices rather. I'm feeling less "behind", and more like I'm moving and I have ten more year of experience while being as fearless, confident, and charismatic as I was before a string of bad jobs and over commitment pulled those things away from my bones. I'm back to being the guy who can look in the mirror and tackle my goals like a seasoned pro.

Done With Travel for Now

I'm back from Chicago. I was out that way for a vacation with the Dickersons over the weekend and ended up getting asked to stay out there for a week at Groupon. Travel is fun, but it is good to be home. I've been missing a lot of practice with my improv troupe ReplyAll. I even missed our last show which makes me a sad panda. Right now I'm trying to man-up and convince myself I can direct an hour long show about air-travel. There's all kinds of comedy potential there, like the guy that grabbed a beer and bailed from the JetBlue plane via emergency slide.

I feel a lot of things lately. The biggest one is that I feel less lost. But it is still a somewhat scary feeling. Before it was like being in a completely dark room. Maybe the room is in Nirvana, or maybe it is in Detroit, you have no idea, so it is kind of OK. Now I've whittled a big enough hole to see where I am, and I'm a long way off from where I thought I was, but I've got a direction. The trick is that there's a strange forrest with talking trees and a fire swamp between me and that place, and I have no combat training for dealing with R.O.U.S.s.

What I mean is that I'm afraid to start because it means digging up the core of who I am and telling him to go f*** himself because he's getting in the way of who he wants to be. Like climbing a wall, sometimes you have to let go with more limbs than you'd like to get to the next hold. It is time that I stop changing things just to change them, and time that I root up and really commit to the next step - it's going to be a big one to get from here to there.

My friend from the airport

Guess he gave up waiting and opted for a stroll in the park

Latitude Dashboard at Last!!!

They fixed ir for me!!!!  Now I can see what the goog knows about my movements! How much time I spend at work, where I like to go in the city, where I take vacations. I cannot wait!

Listen Now Ya'll It's Sabotage

Self sabotage that is. I woke up this morning and realized that since I've left Indiana I've removed myself from every position of leadership/power that has been placed in front of me. I could have been what ever I wanted to be in fencing, but instead I sold my fencing gear. I could have stuck with glass blowing and become an instructor, but I bailed on that. I once had a group that was learning to fly kites for kite surfing, but I disbanded that group, same with Wine Wednesdays. These are things I made and as soon as they looked like they were going to take off I shut them down. I even stepped down form being an organizer for the Euchre Meetup. Now I can even feel myself pulling away from some of the improv I started. It's like I'm wired to abandon success.

It is ironic that I can embrace failure, but success I can't bear to hold on to.

I'm sorry Mr. Dino...

It seems your flight is delayed several million years, we're terribly
sorry for this inconvenience.

Old Stuff

Tonight I decided to dig through some of the stuff I have squandered away. Old stuff. Lots of cards, many from birthdays and Christmas. There's also a lot of photos. It's sort of my life summary to me in one foot cube. No one else would know what it means, not by itself. I know when things are out of order chronologically, and yet I don't ever try to organize it.

I found a really great card from the Dickersons back when I was living in Cincinnati and they were hundreds of miles apart. Matt bought the card, wrote a message in it, mailed it to Lauren, she wrote her own message in it, then sent it on to me. It's the cool fun stuff like that which makes them an awesome married couple.

It's funny-interesting to me to look at some of the pictures. Like when I was actin in A Midsummer Night's Dream and my mom had me pose next to Nick. I admired the hell out of Nick's acting ability and I remembered feeling like I didn't deserve to be in a picture with him. In hindsight, I was probably intimidating to him as well.

What stood out to me the most from all this history perusing was one thing: Anne and Anne understand me. Both Cyran and Radavich get who Will Read is at his core. Anne C's cards still make me laugh in the way that we first shared a double entendre about wood. Anne R helps me laugh at the embarrassing parts of life. They both get my love for dinosaurs. It gives me a sad when I think that I haven't seen either of them in a long time. Dear Anne & Anne, Seems like it's time for some travel. ~Will

It Feels Like That Thing

I'm setting up a new comedy show. It isn't really a troupe, maybe only a set number of shows. I don't know what it'll be. But I'm making it. And that feels good. Really good. Something to put my name to, something to own.

Kate is back from Hong Kong

That is all.

More on Working Things Out

When I was in high school I knew who I was, and that was a huge edge over just about everyone else I knew. I was really comfortable in my skin, to the point where I never worried about how people perceived me. I was who I was and that was enough.

Somewhere I lost that edge. People figured out who they are and I stopped being special for having it together ahead of the crowd. I also invested my identity in fencing. Since setting fencing aside, I've been trying to decouple who I am from what I [did] do.

To me, my life is no more important that the next person's life. My time is just as important as the next. My happiness is just as necessary to me as yours is to you. The way I view the world it is all very flat, very equal. With that kind of view, it is hard for me to feel "this is important, drop what you're doing and listen to me." Huh. That's exactly the kind of thing that is really hard for me to do.

Working Things Out

I'll be 29 this month. I don't so much worry about being old as I do being... well, single. I feel like my two years here in San Francisco has been a huge sink hole as far as dating goes. In the mean time I have mastered the art of convincing women that they are not romantically interested in me, but instead want to be my friend. Don't get me wrong, friends are great.

The biggest thing I can point a finger at is my own confidence. As I've discussed before, I'm pretty shameless, but it isn't the same as being confident. I feel like this is also the explanation for the gap I feel between the comedic, youthful, and responsible individual I am, and my desire to be "an adult".

This gap, I'm afraid to face it. I know I was confident in myself when I was in high school. I knew who I was and I was very comfortable in my skin. Somewhere in there, I lost my skin, and my self-perception hasn't caught up - so I'm unsure. There are other things I'm afraid of too.

I'm afraid to do stand up, not because I might fail, but because I might succeed. And then I would have to answer the question of "Why was I doing other things all my life?" Similarly I'm afraid to get involved at church, because I've come close to considering a life as a minister, and I don't know how to resolve that identity with who I see myself to be today. I'm afraid to go to Italy because I might find that special someone there and find myself making a choice between the USA and love.

All of this sounds ridiculous when I type it out, but this is what Will Read deals with as a non-trivial part of his life. I won't be told it is silly, I'm not ready to let go of my fears just yet.

When a Thing is Over

The worst part about when a thing is over, aside from the emotional havoc, is that I invariably had something that I was planning to give to her. And it is always something that's very specific to that girl, or that I wrote an inscription on - not the kind thing that you can just regift to someone else. Then I have the three choices: 1) Give/throw it away, 2) keep it, and always be reminded of how things didn't work out, or 3) give it to her after the fact anyway because that's where the gift belonged.

Right now I've got this book I picked up in NYC that has her name on the inside cover. I'm taking votes on what to do with it.

Half a Block

I rode my bike almost all the way home this time. I crapped out just a half block from the top of the mountain. I'm getting better, stronger, faster. I rock.

Macy's Fireworks

Bon Freedom-from-King Day everyone!!!

Table Tennis + Drinks

Welcome to SPiN Will Read!

Clever sky writing

Not *that* tall

But not "short" either.

Cutest. Dino.

Ever.

All the cool dinos

Say "3" this way

Dino skull, or Alien skull

You decide

Iguanadon

The Thumbs-Up Dinosaur

Stego!!!!

Since I say it a lot

"A Mose is a large animal"

Koodoo to you too

I guess the raptor fences are down

And have been for a while

I almost got trampled

Big dinosaurs are big

Sorry...

... but there's only room for one on this horse and it's my turn.

I do love me some fountains

And row boating in the background! Sigh, if only I had a travel buddy...

Where Harry Met Sally

Central Park: ...and where a bunch of other people met too. It's a
pretty meetable place.

Strand, a bookstore

"18 Miles of Books" is their slogan. I know a somebody who could
really get behind a place like this. NYC is amazing.

Epic Post Office

Xtranormal - A Site Built for People With Ideas

You write the script, drag in a few actions, camera angles, and sounds and next thing you know you're turning your sketch comedy ideas into something tangible. I wish I had a PC to try out the desktop software. Dickerson, this seems right up your alley. http://xtranormal.com/

Pee Break in Alphabet City

Just because the signage is clever

A good dinner it does not make.

Power Outage

Resulted in coffee run

NYC First Impressions

OK, so I've been here before - once when I was little and once I drove through Manhattan during rush hour with a huge headache to see how a big-time fencing club does business. So this is different. I'm an adult, with different interests than when I was a kid. I'm also working during the day.

First off, it's hot, and muggy. I forgot about Summer, but this is exactly what the Midwest felt like. I am very thankful my hotel has awesome AC because work did not today. The repair guy came by at the end of the day and seemed to have things straightened out. That said, I enjoy the Pivots I'm working with. I enjoy having a personality to put with Jeff who frequents the pivotal all company mailing list with great technical discussions. And it is comforting to have Chris as part of the team since he recently moved out from SF.

Google Latitude has been keeping up with me, so hopefully you are too via my blog's sidebar or even following me through Latitude. My phone got a lot of new life breathed in to it via iOS4, but I'm still eyeballin' an Android. I need to ask the Sprint ppl how the SF coverage is. NY pedestrian culture is crazy, people cross the streets all the time, no waiting for troublesome signals, just go. Tomorrow night after work I plan to head to an improv show. Wednesday night hang out with the ex-SF Pivots and whoever else wants to come out. Then by the weekend I'll be ready to see some dino bones at the Natural History Museum... maybe being an adult hasn't changed my interests all that much.

I feel like there should be a ball here

And maybe a few more LED billboards.

Lunch con Pivots

What's up Empire State Building?!?

I see you, can you see me?

Waiting for Baggage

I hear there's ways to acquire baggage that are a lot more "fun".

The view for the next 6 hours

Groupon take me to NYC

I'm perched here at SFO getting ready to board my flight to JFK. Last week I began work on a project at Pivotal Labs for Groupon. There is only one other guy in SFO working on it, but more in NYC and he's going on vacation this week. So rather than have me learn the code on my own and solo, I'm going to check out our NYC office for the first time.

While I'm out there I plan to check out the improv comedy scene and see Asscat if I can. I also want to stop by the Natural History Museum and see some dino remains. It kinda makes me hope that whatever inherits the earth will want to go to the museum of the future and stare at my bones and think, "I wish I had three bones in each of my fingers."

I'll be staying over the 4th of July, so it'll be awesome if I can catch the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty. There's also a swanky bar that has table tennis called Spin that I'm sure the Pivots will hit up with me.

The trip was kind of dropped on me, luckily this week is kind of a slow one for me. I'll miss a rehearsal with my troupe, Reply All. I also miss another Euchre Night - I'm afraid when I finally make it back to euchre no one will recognize me. None the less, it's a trip I've been meaning to take anyway and it'll be nice to roll it in with work stuff to keep the costs down. I'll do my best to take pictures and post 'em here, and you can always go straight to my blog and see the Latitude widget to see exactly where my travels are taking me from moment to moment.

A Sea of Feet

This is the view from the floor where I'm jacked in to a column for power at SFO on my way to NYC!

A Very Interesting Train Ride Home

Aside from the picture in my previous post that I took on the Amtrak, I had a very interesting journey home  from Sacramento - home of The Dickersons. Lauren and I arrived at the train station early so we stopped at Starbucks for some liquid crack. My poison is the Caramel Apple Spice. The dude behind the counter saw me dancing and smiled - he might have even thought I was cute. He asked if I wanted "a lot" of caramel, I said "Sure". He proceeds to empty the bottle on top of the whip cream in my beverage. Slaps a lid on it and hands it over just as the caramel starts to ooze out of the drinking hole. Then I found two hairs in my drink, long enough to not be mine or his.

On the train I signed in to Facebook. This is where I learned two things: 1) People do really get new phones, and 2) Facebook knows a lot more about me than I've told it, and it came in quite handy.

Then I had a very "adorable" and "theatrical" conversation on BART before de-boarding at the Powell Street station. I should return home more often.

Yes, I Ate Them Afterward

Cranky

And I know why. There's too much comedy between me and Thursday.

Goodbye Kite, Hello Bike

San Francisco, the city where everyone hikes or rides bikes. I haven't done anything for exercise since my climbing buddy went in to hiding. So I started looking in to getting a road bike. I was in a used bike shop when I noticed they had a big kite on the wall. I asked if they also resold kite surfing gear, like the kind I've been thinking about dragging down to Goodwill. Sure enough they do, so it's on consignment till they unload it. I'm hopeful it'll go fast since it's near the beginning of the season, the stuff is in good condition, and I set a rock bottom price.

So long kite surfing stuff! You were dangerous while I had you.

Next week I'll finalize my bike decision and join the ranks to city dwellers that can get around with some speed. I also hope to enjoy Golden Gate park a lot more this summer, maybe build up to some trips over the bridge or into the peninsula. The bike will be a certain degree of freedom - like being 16 again and getting my license. It also means that should I find a lady to spend my time with, it'll be that much easier to go see her, rather than an hour of cable cars, busses, and trains to get there.

I Started the Day With Underwear

This story that you're about to read, may or may not have been about me. It may or may not have happened today. It may or may not offend you. Let's just say, "You've been duly warned."

I went to Pivotal Labs for lunch where we had a pivot give a tech talk. It was great, you would have loved it. After the talk/lunch I was walking back to the office I'm stationed at a few blocks away. I was outside and maybe a half block from the office when I felt a fart. I was outside, no one was around so I thought "What the hay? Let 'er rip!" This was no ordinary fart though.

This fart, he didn't just exit my anus with a few poo particles to collide with your nose at a later date. No, this fart brought along the entire contents of my bowels for the ride. Now in the past I've had farts that sounded wet, or felt like they might have been more than just gas and I wondered afterwards. This one, I knew right away I had crapped my pants.

I couldn't go to the office and walk around all afternoon with wet shit in my shorts. I looked back at Pivotal thinking I might be able to change there. However, I'd have to account for my return. My apartment was only a 40 minute round trip away, I could go home and waste half the afternoon. I decided to walk a little more in my intended pre-pants-shiting direction and I saw the Metreon! They had a great public bathroom just steps away from me!

After some profuse wipage and careful shoe removal, I got my soiled boxer briefs folded up and then promptly discarded of them. I hope no homeless guys went rummaging through the garbage and thought they had landed a new pair of skivvies. I was poo free, but I knew I was out of layers. If I farted like that again I'd be walking home pantsless or with a brown stain. The rest of the day was very distracting because I was operating comando.

Where I went on my weekend

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1. Wake up on Saturday, hang out in apartment till 10ish
2. Head out to Golden Gate Park, eat grilled meat with coworkers
3. Meet up with the Dickersons and Eileen at the Tea Garden in GG Park
4. Go walk part of the GG Bridge, explore souvenir shop
5. Make our way to Fisherman's Wharf, view lazy sea lions eat dinner
6. Get kidnapped to Elk Grove!!! Play games, drink wine, enjoy good company
7. Get on AmTrak all the way down to Santa Clara
8. Walk a block or two, ask front desk of a random Hilton to call me a cab
9. See "Party Fowl" at the Santa Clara Players Theater
10. Hitch a ride back to Pleasanton
11. Ride BART back to The City
12. Ride a cable car back to bed.

Dude-Backing

This Saturday I went sky diving with the Great Dickersonaians, my brother, and my sister-in-law. It was hella fun, not scary at all, and well worth the $100 you have to lay down. But then, it wasn't really sky diving, it was more like dude-backing where you strap a guy to your back and trust him not to hurt you.

It really is funny how the brain goes just a little dumb. You get pushed out of a plane and you can feel the wind rushing past your face and see the ground getting closer to you, and you think calmly to yourself, "I have never felt anything like this. As long as the chute opens this is going to be awesome." And the instructor spins you around a bit, makes a joke via hand signals, and eventually pulls the cord. And instead of being whipped in to an upright position, you just kind of find yourself gently transitioning from horizontal to vertical. Next thing you know you're landing on the ground, right where you ought to land.

P.S. Matt says he'd dress up as Abraham Lincoln if he ever jumped solo.

meated: (v) to meat

Me: I met a sandwich today!
Other guy: You met a sandwich?
Me: Yeah, you know, lettuce, tomato, mustard...
Other guy: Right, but how did you meet a sandwich?
Me: Well I just took the roast beef from the cutting board, and put it on the bread.

More Improv Videos

http://www.youtube.com/rileyj1979 from our last class.

Next show is Tuesday the Wednesday the 19th of May, 8pm. 414 Mason St.

John Henry

House Season 1, Episode 9. The character John Henry, the best trumpet player around, suffers from symptoms that seem to 'take away [his] air'. Without the use of his lungs, he can't be a trumpet guy. To him, if he can't be a trumpet guy, he isn't anything. He signs a Do Not Resuscitate form - he wants to die. House does resuscitate him, and has to go to court to prevent the plug from being pulled on John Henry. When Dr. House talks to him, he stares House straight in the eye and says:

... I know the empty ring finger.  And that obsessive nature of yours, that’s a big secret.  You don’t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing.  The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever.  That’s because they don’t got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true.  I got music, you got this.  The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal.  Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best.  All we miss out on is everything else.  No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain’t gonna happen for us.

I could have been standing there in House's shoes. Instead of medicine, it would be fencing. When I say I feel like I don't have an identity, it's because I'm subconsciously looking for 'that one thing' again.  

Can't Sleep, Blog Instead

General update: got a haircut this weekend - didn't really want to, but also didn't want to appear too shaggy for my brother's upcoming college graduation. This weekend I fly back to Indiana to see him walk the stage. Then next week, he and my sister-in-law will be out here in SF for a week.

Also got new shoes. Still mismatched, brighter than ever, but this time low top slip-ons. Apparently all it takes to make normal Chuck's into slip-ons is a band of elastic cut through the tongue. Comedy is up to 3 nights a week now, with two shows coming up in 3 weeks. I find myself applying the simpler games to everyday life. In the long run I'm hoping it'll scare off the "nice guy" in me and leave a "rich-character" behind.

I generally don't say that I watch TV, but lately I've been watching House. I like it because I identify with Wilson, it's one of the few shows that pulls off having several attractive females at once, it has Hugh Laurie who comes from a comedy background, and it feels like it delves into what makes people tick more than most shows.

Being staffed over at Twitter is still going pretty well. I feel like I've been an effective Pivot for the team I'm on. But I'm also ashamed to say that I broke the help center for an hour and the other pair had to cook up an emergency patch the day I was out sick (I'm going on two weeks fighting a cough), and I may have been responsible for nuking seven days worth of code check-ins in our source control system. They got the history back, that's the beauty of source control, but things like this make me feel like an amateur when I have every reason to be projecting "professional".

Two more cousins are engaged to be married. I think that just leaves me and one other cousin who isn't out of college yet. I know it isn't a race, but can be hard to ignore the feeling that everyone is running past you.

I'm going out to buy a socket set tomorrow. Maybe a new battery for my cordless drill.

One of the things I've been grappling with lately is... there's a word for it... like deciding to buy a fancy phone and wondering if those purchases not only separate me from my fellow man, but from being 'human' altogether. Such as, "Mankind got along without 500 thread count sheets for thousands of years, do I really need them?" I don't have a good answer, because on one hand, I don't need those luxury items, but on the other, to not use the advantages I've been given and earned feels wasteful.

In case there was any confusion

Hey Guys!

I think the glue on our labels is strong enough!

Toothbrush

It's been a weekend of toothbrushes everywhere. Some of it is part of a mess, but another toothbrush is from my room mate having his girlfriend from Indiana visiting. It brings up all kinds of things to think about.

First, what is that milestone? It's beyond the 'spend the night occasionally', but it isn't that far behind it. And what are you saying with that toothbrush. Is one staking a tiny claim of the other person's living space. "I live here too, but only in this tiny space... so far." It represents the beginning of a sharing of so many other parts of life.

What I don't understand is this: Why bother with a separate tooth brush? If you're staying over long enough to need to brush your teeth, then clearly you've been swapping spit and everything else in your mouth - why a separate toothbrush? Ok, I get it, the brush digs out all kinds of things, and it can be a symbolic step in the relationship as mentioned above, but really, if you want a separate tooth brush for sanitary concerns, you better stop sucking face too.

P.S. In addition to fighting a sore throat this weekend, I might also be feeling more than a little jaded.

Conan @ Twitter

This is what you do when you're high-profile-unemployed apparently.

Current Events

Someone, somewhere is regretting this ad campiegn right now.

Crazy Hats

Tuesday Company Graduation Show

Another five week class of hilariousness! The video above is one of 7 from tonight's show. I've signed up for the same class again and the Wednesday Company class for the next five weeks. I'll have a lot more introspection at some point, but for now enjoy the show.

Keep Looking for Patterns

Finding what I called "The Cycle" when dealing with feelings for former girlfriends help me break that pattern. But tonight I was thinking about the beginning of relationships. Seems like something was different when I was in college.

In high school, I had my first kiss when I was given a full week of freedom. My parents were out of town and I had to run the house, go to work, be an adult. I think having to step up in a lot of areas also helped me step up in the romance area.

My first girlfriend came out of being at college - again, more freedom, more responsibility (be an adult, but for 9 months instead of a week). Then a girl from fencing, where I was the new president. Later another fencer, where I was still the president, but taking on new tasks no president before me had done, such as going to Florida for a competition, and starting a fencing club at the local high school. And lasly, one more fencer when I was helping another college get their club off the ground. I was once again in a position where I was responsible for 30 plus people, and put in a situation that was both new and familiar all at once.

After that I moved to Cincinnati. So far everyone had been a student and the next girl was no exception. I was working my first Real Job where I was expected to be an expert. I was ready to be that expert, had been for the last four years. I wasn't just a student employee anymore and that meant that if I missed a deadline or screwed something up, lots of money was at stake for the first time and no one was there to take the fall for me or back me up.

After that everything kind of fizzled. I knew how to move around the midwest, and found myself back in Indiana. I had been running River City Fencing for several years now, so there wasn't a whole lot new to bring out new-Willness. So I made a bigger move, to San Francisco. It turns out that moving isn't enough, I'm downright good at it now.

Changed jobs out here. Not enough. Learned to kite surf. Not enough. Fencing is right out for the same reasons. SO if taking on more responsibility seems to be the key, what's next? What's next indeed.

Pair Shaped

The Problem: You want to work on a some open source project, or a side project of your own, but you don't want to do it alone. Maybe you know someone, but it's hard to work together at a coffee shop and kinda weird to get together at someone's house.

The Idea: A place called "Pair Shaped" that's geared towards you. Doors open at 6:30pm sharp in the Financial District of San Francisco, so you check in using your phone, one of the perks of the membership, and you get in line for dinner which is served every night, buffet style. More guys and gals filter in, they're all in software so you can't help but talk shop, but you slip in a segue and next you're talking about the next Tron movie. At 6:51 sharp, you hear a cow bell and everyone stands up. One by one you introduce any new faces, and then go into things people need help with. Then a guy announces anything new about Pair Shaped, and lastly people shout out for a pair if they're still looking for one.

There's 24 chairs at Pair Shaped, but only 12 desks to work at. Everyone comes here to pair and so no one is left to flounder alone. Each desk has a 27" monitor and extra keyboard and mouse waiting for you - all you do is plug in your laptop and away you go. The WiFi is pretty clippy and the chairs are comfy, so you and your new buddy, Tom, get right to it.

Around 8:30pm you and Tom need a stretch break because while pairing is awesome, it's also exhausting. Sarah and Dave are also looking for a break so you challenge them to a game of ping pong. You thrashed them 21-15 and now you're thirsty, so you grab a drink from the fridge on your way back to the desk. you and Tom get a little stuck, so you lean over and ask Marty for a little help. Marty doesn't mind because his pair can keep cranking while he gives you a hand. You like that people are so open with their knowledge and are eager to help here. You and Tom crank on your code for another hour and a half and decide at 10pm that it is time to pack it in - Tom may be a freelancer, but you've got to get up in the morning - but it is good to know you could have stayed as late as midnight.

As you're walking out you notice that there's a new sponsored project. It seems The SoftwareShop has a project they've open sourced and they'd like to see some features implemented, but don't have the man-power to get it done. Next time you've got a free evening you know you could get a free meal out of working on that project. Then you notice an event scheduled for the weekend, "Level 2 Python". The first one was great and the class is just $50 bucks so you can't beat that for a whole day of education.

You wave good bye to Tom and pull out your phone. You're glad you went for that membership, having come to Pair Shaped four times this week only ran you $15 a night (What a deal for office space + meal + snacks) and that's way better than the drop-in rate of $20/night, plus you got a free helper on your project out of it. You're liking it so much that you're planning to ask your boss if you can host your next hack-a-thon out there.

The Questions: What do you think? Would you come to Pair Shaped? How many times a week would you come? Would you want to work on your own project? Would you be willing to pay $20 for a meal, snacks, and space for 5 hours? Is there anything else that Pair Shaped ought to be offering?

The Singleton Pattern

The Singleton Pattern pattern is about there only being one instance of a particular type of object. This becomes handy if you need a class that'll be maintaining the state of some resource during the life-cycle of your application. In a non-singleton situation, let's say I have two instances of my ControllerClass running around, and I tell one of them to set_lights_to_blue(), so it sets the lights to blue and notes the change in state. But the other instance doesn't know about this blue-light state, and still thinks the lights are green. So now my code starts running in to all kinds of crazy errors.


You could solve this particular problem a number of ways. One is to have all ControllerClasses subscribe to each other in an Observer Pattern, or you could make set_lights_to_blue() be a static method, but if you really want to go OO and get all the inheritance and skip the observer overhead, then the Singleton Pattern is the way to go. The one *gotcha* here is that you need to do some thinking to make a singleton class thread safe, otherwise you may end up creating multiple instance of your class anyway and the previously-mentioned chaos ensues.

Wanted to Document This

Compliments on my appearance are way up the last two weeks. Didn't
know what to attribute it to, but figured I ought to have a record for
the future.

Dear Amy Adams (the actress),

Why are you preggers and have a fiance? I would say life is cruel sometimes, but then you'd say "Ya snooze, ya lose!" In the meantime, thanks for being in great movies and making them awesome.

Love,
Will
(for the non-Amy readers out there: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0010736/bio)

Don't Eat the Poisoned Meat

Good idea: cooking spaghetti for dinner
Bad idea: using meat from the freezer - I couldn't remember when it was purchased

Result: 2 Am rolls around and I know I'm going to be sick, just not right now. 3AM still impending sickosity, grabbed a bucket to be ready. 4AM "Hey, I might make it through this without getting sick". 4:15AM made good use of bucket next to my bed.

The lesson learned is to stay away from old meat, it will make you regurgitate your meal. Interpret that however you want.

Factory Patterns

In my book I covered two kinds of factory patterns, the Abstract Factory Pattern, and the Factory Method Pattern. Both are used to decouple concrete class creation from the objects that depend on them. Let's say I have a company and the company has a Department class. And in this company, each department has one of three job types: full-time, part-time, and contractor. I could have a method in the Department class like create_job(job_type)that takes a type and goes through a switch statement and coughs out a concrete job class.

Or, I could do something that will let me easily extend my Department with new job types in the future and apply the Factory Method Pattern. In this case, I make Department an abstract class, and create concrete classes called FullTimeDepartment, PartTimeDepartment, and ContractorDepartment. Each one will implement create_job() in their own way to return the appropriate job for that department. This rocks because now I can do something like:

my_department = FullTimeDepartment.new

job = my_department.create_job() #this returns a full time job!

Later, I can add a new department, the FullTimeButOnlyShowUpToWorkOnDaysThatDontEndInYDepartment without changing any existing code. I would then call .fire(:all) on that particular department, but we're making jobs here. So that's the Factory Method Pattern.

The other pattern is great for when you need to create families of stuff. Let's say you need a system for ordering office supplies for your department, things like staplers, paper clips, ink, and post-it notes. In most departments, a stapler can be just a standard black stapler. But those tricksters in the IT department love them some red Swingline staplers for some crazy reason. Here's a great time to use the Abstract Factory Pattern. In this case, each Department will have a OfficeSupplyFactory. Now both the Department and the OfficeSupplyFactory are abstract, and each concrete implementation of Department will specify which concrete OfficeSupplyFactory it will use. For instance, our BoringBusinessDepertment might use the PlainOfficeSupplyFactory, but the HipCoolWebDepartment will certainly be using the StuffWeSawInTheMoviesSupplyFactory.

Clear as mud right? Don't worry, basically the idea is that when you go to instantiate a concrete class in one of your objects, consider using a Factory Pattern of some sort.

Do It

I dare you.

Personal Calling Card

Just placed an order for some personal calling cards. I hate handing out my business cards to friends even though it has my personal cell phone number on it. So I crafted a new card and ordered it through VistaPrint. It's got some art, my first an last name, cell, and email. It also has a big QR Code (2-D bar code) that you can use your phone or web cam to scan and you get all my contact info in your device without typing a damn thing. Sadly I bet only super geeks have an app to read a QR code, so I don't know how much utility it'll get. Alas, I'll love handing them out and talking about it.

CJ: Organizer of Euchre Meetup

and other things.

Happiness is...

20 days of Cadbury Eggs.

New Plan: Make an Omelete

Time to start being ok with breaking some eggs.


UPDATE: The full story starts like this: I was watching the Eddie Izzard documentary Believe and someone in there said "It's like he's trying to say 'Love me' in the kindest, gentlest way possible." and that struck a chord with me. But really, I don't need  everyone to like me, just a handful or two. Thinking about it, I decided that I've lived the last ten years in a way where I was trying to please everyone, and I realized that I can't remember the last time I expressed a contrary opinion (save one incident in Egypt).


When I thought about this more, I couldn't really tell myself what I thought about anything. Do I like the way the public transit system is being run? Do I think the tax system needs reform? Do I prefer the color green to the color orange? I've been indifferent for so long I think that I lost a lot of my identity and substituted fencing in the process.


By "breaking some eggs" I meant that it is time to decide who I am, and that process may mean that some people I meet in the future might not like me. But I'm making an omelet here, one that has a kick-ass Will Read inside. I don't expect that any of my close friends will notice any radical change, but I do expect that the new people I meet will come to know who I am more quickly because I'll have more of a distinct personality, as opposed to a personality designed to appease.

Delicious Beer

... in a glass boot!

Tonight's Design Pattern - The Matryoshka Doll

The commonly accepted name for the pattern I just read about is the Decorator Pattern. The idea is that you decorate your objects with responsibilities and you do this by "wrapping" them in classes with the same interface. So if you're decorating a couch object with wooden feet, custom fabric, and a fold out bed then you end up creating this Russian Matryoshka Doll system of a thing inside a thing inside a thing inside a thing.

To me, it's kind of a shitty pattern. To use it as described, you have some interface that the couch implements, but then so do the wooden feet, the bed, and the fabric. Those other things, in the examples I've seen and can thing of, don't  really share some common set of behavior, but the pattern necessitates that they do, so it's an artificial interface. Like putting 60 people in a room and telling them they all enjoy golf.

It's also a bit of crap because of this crazy wrapping. If you get a base object that has ten responsibilities tacked on, then you've got to drill down ten layers to see what the hell is going on in this code of yours. However! What you get out of it is the ability to add these responsibilities at run time as opposed to design/compile time, which is pretty cool. Also, you cut down on class-explosions. The big OO win here is that the classes are closed to change, but remain open for extension. So Boris can come along and add functionality to my class without changing a lick of my code.

When I Was the President

It was an elected position, president of the Purdue Fencing Club, but when I ran, I ran unopposed. There was no one else who even wanted to do my job, let alone have the skill set to pull it off, which meant I was it. I had to be the president, there was no other choice.

In everything I've done since fencing, I've never had to be that thing. Someone else has been willing and able to step in and fill my shoes if I were to vacate the post. I've never had to convince myself in the last two years that I am a kitesurfer or that I am a glass maker or that I am a software engineer. I played the part, but I haven't believed.

Software Design Patterns

I'm reading, which is not something I do normally. But I'm reading Head First Design Patterns. Design patterns are templates for solving common problems in software. It's as if I came to you and said, "I have this amazing gadget I want manufactured!" And you might say, "Well Will, you should build a factory!" The pattern is "build a factory". That's a common way to get stuff manufactured. But you can't really make a factory that builds any factory I want, no, you have to apply the pattern yourself, it isn't pre-made.

The first pattern was the Strategy Pattern. This pattern lets you swap out and encapsulate algorithms easily. I might use this pattern if I'm making software for a GPS unit. When the unit ships, the company wants two algorithms availble to determine the route. 1) Shortest distance, 2) Fastest time. If I apply this pattern correctly, it'll be a piece of cake when they come back and ask me to implement a third "scenic route" algorithm. If I suck at applying this pattern, the logic for 1 & 2 will be all strewn about the code, it'll be a pain to sort it out, and adding a third will only make a bigger mess of things.

The next pattern is the Observer Pattern, which I really think of in my head as the Stalker Pattern. The Observer Pattern lets things know when another object changes state. For instance, let's say I have a stalker. The stalker is interested in knowing when I do stuff, so she starts to observe me (via binoculars). When I change state from dressed to clothed, she gets notified (and very excited). Later, she finds out that Justin Beiber lives a few doors down, and she stops observing me, so she no longer knows when I'm wet and naked and when I'm not. Stalker patterns happen in JavaScript ALL THE TIME. I use this pattern with great ease. Think about when a user clicks and drags some movie in his Netflix queue. Here' there's all kinds of code that observe the movie for a state change to "I'm being clicked and dragged!" and they do stuff like show  where you can drag it to, or maybe they update how the movie looks (transparent). The code stalks other code, and when the other code is out of the server, it sneaks in and sniffs its underwear drawer. Stalker code is creepy like that.

The reading is for work. I need to get better at what I do so I can better do what I do. I'm writing about it so that I know I've retained something and that I've processed it. If I can't apply it to code and the real world then I've done a crap job of learning and might as well not waste the time. I think most of the names suck, and the two sentence explanations are too abstract, but the book does a good job so far of working through what it means to use a patterns and where it does or does not apply. If I can be successful in this effort and subsequent ones that are along the same lines it'll be a big deal for me as a software guy, so thanks for listening.

I Hate Point of View

Tonight at improv was a review of "universe", but like all games, they all cross over the material they cover. We're working on one called "doorways", and the idea is that you pantamime going through some kind of door/portal/whatever without saying a word, then your partner comes on stage and verbally indicates where you are or what you're doing based on what he saw you do to get through this door.

Some people went through sliding doors, others faced a garage door, and some swept beads to the side to attend a yoga class. The real struggle with doors is that they're made to be easy to get through without a lot of interaction. I wanted a hard door and I wanted to leave a place instead of go inside.

I begin by pulling a thing from behind something. I'm making a sawing action at something over my head. I pause, look around, and continue. I saw and I saw, and finally I cut through, and toss the remaining bit aside. I jump up. I bend at my side. I get through. I realize I forgot something. I go back. I push it through. I return to the other side. I open up the bundle, and step in to some pant legs. Then I pull on the rest of the outfit. I put on a hat. All the while looking frantic. Then I realize, I'm in the clear, I'm home free.

Where was I?

Well if you were my partner who walked in you might have said this: "Long day at the slaughterhouse, wasn't it?" And you'd be right, because you said it. I had been sawing down cattle and ducking and jumping between giant carcasses and then finally put on clean clothes to go home for the day.  Meanwhile, I thought I had pulled a file from behind a pillow, and gotten through the bars on the window of my prison cell. Forgotten my civilian clothes, put on those clothes and then casually walked to freedom a la Sawshank Redemption. But no, I was in a slaughterhouse, and I looked back and I knew he was right. and the audience, while they were with me on the prison break, needed to see me deal with the slaughterhouse now.

Walking up to the stage, I thought I had an awesome door, easy to guess, fun to play with on the outside. I was reminded tonight that it didn't matter how much it was like a real prison break to me, I don't count. I know what "door" I'm going through. I have to figure out what my partner and the audience see.

Just like real life.

Mailbox Monster

Lonely Toothbrush Holder

In the Great Drout of 2007 I threw away my only other toothbrush
holder. They came in a set of four - a rat, a chicken, a cat, and the
dog you see here. Two went to friends who thought they were funny, and
I kept the cat and dog thinking one day I'd have someone who liked
cats and was over enough to leave a toothbrush. For years my mirror
had two holders, and only one tooth brush. It was a daily reminder
that I was missing a toothbrush myself in the metphorical sense.

"Brain Fart"

I wonder if I'll say things like "brain fart" when I'm 40. I would say many of my peers already have eliminated "childish" vocabulary from their diction, but as we know, I am a different beast. Inside me is a little adult, desperately trying to assert his responsibility in the grown-up world, but still entirely too youthful to put away fun activities and phrases.

I am an Idiot

Amongst other reasons tied to my Sacramento SNAFU that have yet to play out, I am a dumb ass. I brought my laptop on the train. No, it didn't get stolen. I did intend to use it, to write a blog and just bask in having phone-tethered-internet-everywhere glory.

The train pulls in to the station at 11:20, just a few minutes behind schedule, and I climb on board. People say "climb", but really it is just a step. No one says, "I stepped on board the train." Why is that? Anyway, I start looking for a seat and it is worse than the movies. All the chunks of seats are either two people or four, and everyone needs their bag to have a seat as well. I'm walking down the isle and I spot a four seater with the nice table for my laptop, so I give it a good look.

While no one is present, clearly someone is sitting here. I judge from the flowery tweed glasses case it's probably an elderly woman. There's also some notes an a pencil, but not much else to indicate anyone else is sitting there. So I unpack my laptop, plug in, and settle in.

About this time I look up and notice that there's not one, but two tickets above this nook, she must have a companion with her. I pause, I contemplate if I should move, and I conclude that two people do not require four seats, surely there'd be room for me and my laptop.

When the ladies return they're quick to inform me that I'm sorely mistaken. "You see we're playing a card game, and well we need the entire table." I'm sure that I looked at her, looked at the enormous table, and looked back at her with an incredulous stare. She wasn't giving me an opening. I debated the merits of making a scene. One of two things were likely to happen, either a) I pis her and her friend off, but they let me sit down anyway, and I have to sit with people who hate me to save face, or b) I simply embarrass two old ladies who just want to play cards on a train.

I opted for plan c) "I understand, I can move if you'll just unplug that cord for me... thank you." And I went and sat down next to the hottest girl in the car. She starts up a conversation after I get the ok to sit by asking if those old ladies kicked me out. I sheepishly replied yes, made a few more exchanges, then proceeded to put on my headphones and watch a movie. THIS is why I'm an idiot.

My daily commute looks like this

Irish Confidence

Every March 17th I get to be anybody. It's better than Halloween because I always have the best costume. In past years it has been a blinking bow tie and green suspenders. This year it was a nice green vest and a bright orange hat. The clothes serve two purposes.

1. Attract attention. Even if it's dudes, you look like you're having more fun when there's a crowd around you and you're cheersing the hell out of the night. 
2. Create a "weakness" that I then overcompensate for.

 If you're wearing a bright orange hat, you are not the best looking guy in the bar, period. But, the hat can get you a 'hey, nice hat' and I've found that when I know I look ridiculous, I can carry that conversation on as long as I want to. It's weird, I could dress normally, but I'd be way less confident. Almost like the hat was just enough distraction that I felt safe.

So this happens every St. Patrick's Day - I become the guy I really ought to be 100% of the time. I'm funny, I stand up straight, I look at myself in the mirror and smile, I speak my mind, I listen and play off what she says. I am irresistible, or more so than on any other Wednesday. I stop being the wall flower, and I stop questioning my actions or what she's thinking. I move on easily if I get the sense that I'm not holding her attention and I find someone new. Things that I make to be a huge deal in my head most days are insignificant. Magically, I stop second guessing myself.

What I want to figure out is how to make every St. Patrick's Day. I could be a non-assassinated  version of JFK with that kind charisma. I know it is in me, I just have to stop being afraid.

And like past St. Patty's Days, this one worked out really well for me. I met a really cute girl who ended up buying me a really special beer originally made by some Belgian monks and we had a lot of fun. I also managed to wake up feeling tired, but ok, and work was pretty breezy. The weather in SF has been amazing as of this week to boot.

While a "Luck Dragon" Seems Handy

It didn't help out "The Neverending Story" very much. Zing!

Comedy Will Make an Adult of Me Yet

I went to the SFCC's Frisco Sunday Night Jam. They do the short form games, and long form, then open it up to the audience to get on stage and try it out for themselves. In thinking about last week's performance along with some jokes tonight about local places/events I realized that there are plenty of easy laughs if I just read the news.

I have my blogs and tech sources that keep me up to date about stuff I'm interested in. But the audience doesn't care that there's new hardware coming down the pipeline in five years. They care about what's playing in theaters right now, what changes the city is making, and what's going on with the national budget. To be highly effective at what I want to do, I'll have to grow in areas that I've been trying to avoid. I'll start by subscribing to the NY Times, and eventually I'll probably have to round it off with a lot of geography and immersion into other cultures.

Next improv class starts Tuesday!

The Genius of Stan Lee

Women as a whole loathe spiders. I don't really know why. To me, bees are much more frightening (a la "I'm covered in beees!!!!). Put a spider in a room and girls will want to be any where else. Similarly, geeky guys who wear glasses, enjoy genetics and chemistry and physics, have much the same effect on those of the female persuasion.

Spiderman however, has great success. Take a nerd, give him the power to climb walls and sling web, and suddenly they're putty in his hands. We can prove this scientifically, because when Peter Parker takes off the mask and starts acting like a powerless human being, he gets the same reaction that all men of science get (sorry Jeff Goldblum, this applies to you too). Yet, we see that as soon as he reveals his spider-like abilities to a prospect, the panties fly off.

Would you like to make out with me?
Eww! No! Get away dork-face (they still say this well in to their late twenties)

Would you like to make out with me while I hang upside down despite the downpour of rain?
Oh hell yes! Give me some of that sweet spider-lovin'!

I rest my case.

Alice in Wonderland

Despite the played out relationship that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have, I went to see Alice in Wonderland tonight. After which, I have but two comments: 1) the March Hare and the monkeys are hilarious, and 2) the subtitle for this movie should have been "We'll Poke Your Eye Out". Go see it! (Pun intended)

Smoking doesn't make you cool

But it can be a thing to do in the park.

Camels, Condors, and Comedy!

Monday was the graduation show for my improv comedy class. Thanks to everyone who wished me well and/or broken legs. A big thanks to the people who made it out to the show. It was a lot easier being on stage knowing that there was support in the crowd. I did, in fact, graduate and I signed up for the second level class, which begins next Tuesday. So if you missed this show, you can catch the next one five weeks from today. Extra big shout out to Lara for recording most of the show - she had to fight off laughter and arms falling asleep and had a battle royal getting the disc door to open. I'll be getting clips on the lazyriver (internet) as soon as I figure out a way to read these tiny discs (damn you slot load!!!!!)

The class was great, and I would highly recommend the SFCC to anyone who wants to get into comedy. The instructors do a great job of keeping morale high and giving you just the right kind of feedback that helps you grow and learn. The people in my class totally rocked it and I'm looking forward to playing with them in Tuesday Company.

Will this be a new career path? Doubtful. Will I have fun doing it? Oh hell yes. Does it remind me to get excited about life? Certainly. Will it bleed in to all that I do? I hope so.

Green fud, green beers

Got Some Green Food Coloring

Made some green beer... for my mouf.

Day of the Lizard Skin

Tomorrow I'm sure my face will start peeling. For future reference, spray on SPF 30 does not cut the mustard on the slopes of Utah. I did take a half day snow board lesson and I can carve some gnarly s-curves down green circles now, but my butt and my knees hurt (not in that way) from all the falling. Day three I grabbed skis again and went down some hills with my good friends Matt, Lauren, and Scott. It was also a blast hanging out with Scott's extended family playing "Pass the Poop" for a two dollar buy in. My miniature playing cards saved the night on Friday when we realized we had no other cards to play with. Also for future reference, Utah, being a Mormon state, has "near beer", meaning your usual 4.5% by volume is now more like 3% by volume. Sure, you can buy/drink more, but then you're just missing the point completely.

I Freak Out Too Easily

"Let's have a beer later in the week."
"Yeah sounds good, I'll get back to you before Friday"
*doesn't get back to me*

This and any number of situations have happened to me. Most times I find I freak out. "Well he didn't get back to me because he doesn't like me and has better things to do." The problem is that I go and stand in the other person's shoes, but I stand there as myself. "I would have gotten back to me already  if I planned on going." Then I assume, something has gone horribly wrong. Really, I just need to realize, "This guy just forgot, or being prompt isn't a big deal for him, he still wants to go because he said so before." I'm learning to dispute myself this way.

I do wonder why I have to dispute myself in the first place. I really just want to get to the point where my first conclusion is rooted in reality and not in some crazy scenario I cooked up in my head. Also, I think this plays in heavily to my confidence that Lara talked about a while back.

Knowing the Strength of Happiness

Below is a story of "resilience" that I wrote for my life coaching class:

"I'm not happy here", I said. I had moved out to San Francisco in June of 2008 for a job with a small company in my field, web-based software, on a product that was meaningful to me. We were helping people make good hires at their companies, a weakness I saw at my previous employer back in Indiana. I had loved my job, but things had changed and recently there had been a lot of pressure to deliver without a lot of investment in people, resources, or time. I would come home each night feeling drained. Waking up in the morning was getting harder and harder, and I found myself taking sick days just to preserve my mental health. It wasn't enough, so in early October I was sitting down with my new boss, only five months in to my employment, and trying to find a way to turn things around.

Since Alex's (name changed) arrival, the engineers were all assigned separate projects, and overly aggressive time lines. We were of course told that we could work together if we so wished, but we were expected to deliver on time. The result was that no one collaborated, we worked mere feet from each other and it was a rare day that much more than a few sentences were exchanged. At our daily status meetings, no one got much value from each other because our work didn't overlap. No one else in the company wanted to hold meetings with us because we seemed busy, but really we were busy guessing what they wanted from the product. Production was slowing down, sales was getting frustrated, the engineers were frustrated, and it looked like it would all come crashing down if I didn't try to change things.

I knew all this, and yet I was being blocked everywhere I tried to create happiness, "Working together with people is important to me", I told Alex. I went on and explained how I tried to find job satisfaction and how every step was either actively blocked or was being hindered by policy and/or philosophy. I needed his help. I wanted to stay because I still believed in the product. Alex told me to "chill out" and to "just be happy", which certainly was not the help I was looking for. A month later with my efforts all resulting in failure and management still unwilling to help me be successful, I was out of options. I felt trapped because my long work hours kept me from looking for a job, but I also knew that living in the city without an income would be difficult at best. I turned to one of my strengths to lead me out of this desperate situation, honesty.

I wasn't going to sneak around and have everyone "know" I was looking for a job elsewhere. I wasn't going to stay there working for Alex either. In early November we met again and I got my plans out in the open, I was looking for a job, and that I planed to be gone by the month's end. It wasn't a conventional move, but to me it was the best thing to do as a professional because I feel strongly that people make better decisions with more information rather than less. I began my job search, but the end of the fiscal year and the tanking economy were working against me. At the end of November, Alex asked me for my resignation. I had not found a new job, the economy was even more in the dumps, no one was hiring, I had travel plans back to the Midwest for the holidays and did not want to show up without a job. Despite all of that, things at this company had only gotten worse, and when he asked for my resignation, I was all too happy to comply.

"Why not just keep your job a little longer, or at least fight for it?", you might ask. The answer is because inside I knew a lot about happiness and how it affects me. I knew that I was a good enough engineer that I could find a job that treated me better. I knew I was in San Francisco, one of the few cities that would continue to have tech jobs open up. Most importantly, I knew that I was stronger, both physically and emotionally when I was happy; getting out of that miserable situation might mean less money to work with, but it would also mean that I would go in to job interviews with a lot more zest and energy. It meant that when I met people at social networking events, I could greet them with enthusiasm, really engage and rally for my cause instead of being exhausted and battered by my job. That's exactly what I did.

I attended every related group meetup I could find in the city. Everyone I met got to know a lot about my skills and interests as I learned about their work environments. People had their ears to the ground for the kind of openings I was looking for, and I was going on more interviews than I ever expected. I rode my new found freedom from misery all the way through the holidays and in to early February. When I saw my family and friends for Christmas, they all felt happy and comfortable with my choice to leave my job, whereas I think they would have felt miserable on my behalf if I had explained to them I was way out in San Francisco and my job was no good for me. In February, it all came together in the form of multiple job offers, leaving me to have my pick of the lot.

A year since February 2009 I am still very happy with my new job. I found all of the things I felt I was worthy of having thanks to my willingness to face a desperate situation head on. When my attempts to improve my current situation failed, I relied on my strength of honesty. That led me out of a place of weakness, and in to a place where I could leverage my happiness to better interact with others. Those interactions ultimately resulted in a great job, and a lot more happiness for myself.

Everyone is an Old Friend

In improv, you can wreck a scene by asking a question. The point is that you take what someone else is doing and add to it. In our first class, they said improv is like having a conversation. What they left out is that you're talking to an old friend, not someone new. When you meet someone new, you ask a lot of questions, you have little to make assumptions off of at the risk of seeming like an ass hole. The trick is to treat this new person on the stage with you as if you've know him since high school, and you know he likes banjos and hates blue particles.

Taking it outside of class, some of the better first dates or friend introductions have been when people build the conversation making statements, instead of the usual question answer game of catch. The only difference is that in improv you are expected to be someone else, some other character that you can displace some of the ass holiness on to. In real life, you run that risk, but when it pays off, it pays off big I think. This next week I'm going to make it a point when I meet new people to change the conversation from a Q & A session to a series of statements, and see how it pans out.

Laundry Dogs

I always enjoy a big dog & little dog combo...

What's all the Buzz About

Yadda yadda yadda. Go read all the other blogs that have already said what I'd say and more. I just want to know if this will cross post to Buzz automatically. If so, I'm off of WordPress and on to Blogger asap

Twitter Realization

After last Tea Time things came together in a new way for me. Hearing Ev speak and putting together some of the smaller things that Twitter does, it really strives to be a personalized news network. This means Twitter is a lot more like me turning on the TV to watch the local news and the reporters telling me only the news that is interesting to me - "News of the future" in a way. I see this expressed in the terminology like "Follow" vs. "Friend".

Prior to Friday, I did see Twitter as another social network. But if you treat it like a news company, Facebook is not the main competitor. I also don't think that you could say traditional news networks are "competition" because at 140 characters, Twitter is content-poor and relies on 3rd party sites to provide content. In that case, their growing integration with CNN makes more and more sense.

Conclusion: Facebook is for friends, but get your news on at http://twitter.com